Date: Fri, 10 Jan 2003 23:22:39 -0800 (PST)
From: "Sam"
Subject: Drunken Diariesz
To: "Claris"

Title: And While The King Was Looking Down, The Jester Stole His Something Crown

Stuff: I have advice for partygoars of the future. Do not sing Don Mcleans "American Pie" while staggering home drunk. You get lots of weird looks and you do not impress the ladies. Espeically if you dontg know the words.

Also, single man beer pong can catch up on you deceptively fast.

STUDY MY WISDOM!

ok time to pass out

So, before I even read that, I had the fun of this :

Claris: thank god. I need my fellow bitter cynic
Sam: hi
Sam: you have incoherent drunken babble in your inbox
Claris: Guess what? The computer at work ate the last three months of the quote file today
Sam: fuck
Sam: kill it
Sam: i am too hammered to be properly cyncial but i can be sympathetic
Claris: I know, right? But there's nothing wrong with the computer, right? Riiiiight. DOn't get me started.
Claris: Well, if nothing else, you've just started the next update. thanks.
Dude. I lost all the HBO quotes.
Sam: in that case kill the IT guy
Claris: Sam, I was just....I don't think "rage" describes me at that point. Even now, I'm like, ready to rip someone open
Claris: I'm going to have to go back through everyone's livejournals for like, ever to find the stuff. fuck me.
Sam: killkillkill
Sam: murder everything'
Sam: it makes ME feel better
Claris: I know, dear. *pet*pet*
Man, I was so ripped, I snapped at Anya
Sam: DOOM to all
Sam: you snapped an Anya? jesus
Sam: you are brave
Claris: at Anya, dear. ANd yes. it was one of those moments where, summed up to the shortest form (which is probably the best one for you at the moment) our conversation was like this :
Claris: My life sucks.
Anya : Well at least it ain't mine!
Claris: You know what? Fuck you!
Anya : Yeah, well fuck you!
Claris: *sigh* Never mind.
Sam: hahahahaha
Sam: it is like the Odd Couple without the witty dialogue
Claris: Yeah. ANd now, looking at DL's journal, I lost the whole "Killing Cupid" conversation! Mother fucker!
Sam: stabstab. Murder makes everything ok
Sam: You will feel better
Sam: kill your boss
Sam: or your bass
Sam: whatever works for you
Claris: It's not my boss, though, that's the sad thing. The company is just cheap.
Sam: do you have an annoying IT creature?
Claris: in a way. He was like, "A virus? Not on my network"
"Tony, it delted the file off my floppy."
"Maybe it was a bad floppy."
"Tony, it's the second time that's happened, on two different disks, and you know what? This one was formatted on that computer so that it would be compatible with our OS."
Sam: blow up the building
Sam: you know you want to
Claris: there's two buildings. wanna help?
Sam: sure
Sam: i can find the chemical formula for semtex
Claris: SHit, Anya's got that...
Sam: i just realized i am talking about blowing shit up with semtex in bush america
Sam: HI government guy who reads our chats!
Claris: Hello government dude! Hire me, I can show you all the ways we young'ins are finding to subvert america & give it to the terroritsts with our immoral TV & rock videos!
Sam: ok ineed to pass out now
Sam: gnite
Claris: Night sam. Thanks for the material & the endorsement of evil.
Sam signed off at 11:39:47 PM.

Sunday night, 01.12.03.....

Sam: Before you go -- what the HELL did I say to you Friday night?
Claris: *snicker* That's for me to know, & you to find out along with everyone else when I post it in your column.
Sam: As long as it's nothing that could get me in trouble with anyone.
Sam: I was in my Say Stupid Things That Could Permanently End Friendships state, from what little I recall.
Claris: ah. no. not that.
Claris: I just want you to know that I have a file marked "drunksam01.10.03.rtf"
Sam: Oh holy hell.