And I'm not just saying that because the secret police will vanish me in the night if I don't. Sure, that's a big part of it, but also, hilarious terrorism warnings! Here are a few of my favorites from ready.gov:
Chemical Threat:
![](http://www.ready.gov/i/vis_chem_lab2.gif)
1. Terrorists may employ dangerous, but totally cool looking, chemical compounds.
![](http://www.ready.gov/i/vis_chem_choke2.gif)
2. These chemicals will give you psychic powers! Thrill as Americans fight back against terrorism with their multicolored Brain Rays!
![](http://www.ready.gov/i/vis_chem_fish2.gif)
3. Use your mighty powers to kill birds and fish. They are eyes of Osama!
Explosions:
![](http://www.ready.gov/i/expl_vis_table2.gif)
1. Duck and cover! Yes, we have ressurected the duck and cover campaign. Seriously.
Fire:
![](http://www.ready.gov/i/expl_vis_exit2.gif)
1. Get to an out of the way location.
![](http://www.ready.gov/i/expl_vis_cover_nose2.gif)
2. Put on the totally sweet mask of the deadly weeping ninja!
![](http://www.ready.gov/i/expl_vis_closed_door2.gif)
3. Use your ninja karate chop to knock down the door and escape the building.
![](http://www.ready.gov/i/expl_vis_family2.gif)
4. Return home to your good Republican nuclear family.
Nuclear Explosion:
![](http://www.ready.gov/i/nuc_vis_escape2.gif)
1. Nuclear detonations have a blast radius of less than one block.
Also, radiation is easily confused by traffic directions. One left hand turn and it will lose your trail!
![](http://www.ready.gov/i/vis_rad_bomb2.gif)
2. The terrorists have found weapons even cooler looking than the psychic chemicals!
![](http://www.ready.gov/i/vis_rad_shield2.gif)
3. Nuclear radiation can be stopped by plywood.
![](http://www.ready.gov/i/vis_rad_news2.gif)
4. After you survive the nuclear explosion, there will be rampant chaos. Use this as a cover to steal awesome home entertainment systems!