We're the ones your mother warned your about...No, seriously. We are.

Helpful Holiday Content

Now, before we go any further, I should preface this by saying that Anya honestly does like the Holidays. It's freaky and disturbing (much like her), but still - True Story. However, since it's Anya, there's always a twist. Therefore, when I got these two Holiday Greetings within a week of each other - the first through the post, the second over e-mail - it just seemed fitting to share them with you, our readers, on the off chance that you were still looking for a the perfect turn of phrase to fill your holiday cards.

Anya's Holiday Card Message -
[You're Safe for Now, But Once the Perkiness Fades, All Bets Are Off]
Hee! It's Christmas Time! That's right! Time to suspend random acts of evil and begin random acts of mischief!
Time to undermine world peace with mayhem and chaos!
Time to confuse the masses!
Time to plunge the world into darkness and despair!
Anya Hugs and Kisses
Affection galore!
I'll smother the whole wide world with...love.*

*Except for those individuals on the "To Be Killed" List.

Anya's Holiday Memorandum -
[Greeting Co-Workers in An Effort to Promote Peace on (your) Earth]
TO: All the People Pissing me Off
FROM: Anya
DATE: Tuesday December 9, 2003
RE: My last nerve

Please be advised, my last nerve is currently the only one remaining, and it is fraying on the edges. If you push me beyond the point of my endurance, I fear it will snap.

Once this occurs, those fears many of you have regarding me will be validated. I will go postal all over your asses, and laugh maniacally as blood spatters all over the place. I will not have regrets later about this homicidal spree, either. Once you're dead, I will look back on the memory with fondness and affection for the slaying since it represents future PEACE for me.

This memo is to encourage you to shut the hell up and stay out of my way.

Thank you for your prompt attention to this matter, and Merry Fucking Christmas!


~ December, 2003