We're the ones your mother warned your about...No, seriously. We are.

If I think about this any longer, I'll be the one crying

It's My Party, by Leslie Gore

(Chorus) It's my party and I'll cry if I want to
Cry if I want to, cry if I want to
You would cry too if it happened to you

Nobody knows where my Johnny has gone
But Judy left the same time
Why was he holding her hand
When he's supposed to be mine

Then all my records keep dancing all night
But leave me alone for a while
'Til Johnny's dancing with me
I've got no reason to smile


Judy and Johnny just walked thru the door
Like a queen with her king
Oh what a birthday surprise
Judy's wearing his ring

(More Chorus)

For some reason, I have heard this song twice in as many days. And it is so very much not the kind of music I listen to. Or ever have. However, apparently it is the kind of music they play at the Mexican restaurant we went to last night for a friend's going away shindig. And apparently is is also the kind of music they play on the one radio station our car was able tod tune into in Charlevoix, Michigan and several points South thereof.

And so, for the first time ever, I listened to the lyrics of that song. And now I have questions! Questions about this terrible little song.

To start, there's the big question: Is Johnny the singer('s persona)'s boyfriend? Or just a guy she was hoping to hook up with at her birthday party? Because the two interpretations of the song make a rather substantial difference.

Scenario A
So let's look at Scenario A. In Scenario A, Johnny is indeed our heroine's boyfriend. And if Johnny is her boyfriend, quite frankly, he's a prick. Or, alternatively, he's evil. I'm sorry, but if you want to break up with your girlfriend? You do not do it at her birthday party. That is just simple, human courtesy. It can't wait a day? And if you honestly cannot wait that day, for some reason that I can't even imagine...? Please, please do not break up with your girlfriend by sneaking off at her birthday party with some tramp (Judy), giving said hussy (Judy) your ring, and then returning to the party. I mean, at least have the decency to leave the party for good. And that's only if you absolutely can't wait until, you know, the next day. Unless there's actually some reason why you want to humiliate your (now ex) girlfriend in front of everyone. On her birthday. Which still sounds pretty much evil to me. I mean, maybe if the girlfriend was a horrible herself... but she doesn't sound horrible, does she? Just heartbroken. And perhaps in possession of tragically poor taste in men.

And this Judy chick? What's up with her? What kind of evil bitch do you have to be to hook up with someone's boyfriend at her own birthday party and then flaunt it in her face? I have to say, not knowing the background between these two, I have to assume there was already some kind of deeply-rooted rivalry going on there. Either that or Judy just really is a nasty piece of work. Either way, I hope she doesn't get invited to the protagonist's next party. Or any of her friend's parties. Because that was so, so very uncool.

Scenario B
Alternatively, if Johnny isn't actually her boyfriend, but rather some guy she's had her eye on and hoped would be her boyfriend by the end of her party... well, fair enough. I suppose if your big birthday wish and party plan was to score the guy you've been lusting after for some time, and then he takes off with someone else...? Well, that would be very disappointing. However, she should probably try and pull herself together, you know? Hold onto some of that dignity? I mean, honestly. Honey. You can cry all you want once everyone's left, but really... you have to face these people at school every day. Do you really want everyone to see you like this? There are other guys, after all.

There's a Sequel?
As I've never been a fan of this type of music, it never occurred to me that this song might have a sequel. Or that any song would have a sequel, ever. However, KitCat informed me of its existence, and shared the lyrics of said sequel with me. It goes as follows:

Judy's Turn to Cry, by Leslie Gore
(Chorus) 'Cause now it's Judy's turn to cry,
Judy's turn to cry,
Judy's turn to cry,
'Cause Johnny's come back to me.

Oh, when Judy left with Johnny at my party
And came back wearing his ring
I sat down and cried my eyes out,
Now that was a foolish thing!


Well, it hurt me so to see them dance together,
I felt like making a scene.
Then my tears just fell like raindrops
'Cause Judy's smile was so mean.


Oh, one night I saw them kissin' at a party,
So I kissed some other guy.
Johnny jumped up and he hit him,
'Cause he still loved me, that's why.

(More Chorus)

Well, that solves that. It pretty clearly infers that there was a pre-existing relationship between Johnny and our idiot-protagonist. And she takes him back? After all that? As my friend Dawn said: it sounds like they all deserve each other.

And now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to forcibly stop myself from thinking about this any more. I've already wasted precious minutes of my life I'll never get back.

~ September, 2003

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