We're the ones your mother warned your about...No, seriously. We are.

An anecdote a day....

Monday :
We never should have let Sam get a cell phone...

First voicemail msg :
So you continue to elude me Ms Claris! *insert evil laughter*
This simply will not do!
Nah, I don't know, I'm just looking for random bullshit to talk to, uh I mean about...oh, um, no...ah, I just...I was really fuckin' offensive, wasn't it?


I really need to stop calling people from online.....


Second voicemail msg :
Addendum! That previous message probably ought to be on the quotes page, 'cause it's funny...eh? EEEhhh? yeah....


You of all people will love this. Sam phonespammed me over the weekend.
- Claris
Sam might be my new personal hero.
- DarkLady
It was so good that my next VM msg from him was on saying, "Okay, yeah, just transcribe that for the quotes page." and he was sober, that's the best part!
- Claris
and he was sober? this might be a day for the history books.
- DarkLady

In other news, I honestly don't remember what the heck I said on Claris' voicemail, which is frightening.
In other other news, scientists have made a cyborg monkey that can CONTROL A ROBOT ARM WITH ITS BRAIN. That sound you hear is me weeping with joy. Yes, even those of you on other continents. It is that much joy.

- Sam
I'm so disappointed in you.. Here I told DarkLady that you were sober when you left that for me, and you weren't? *sigh* then it's not phonespam, it's Drunkmail!
Bummer. And we were all so proud of you......

- Claris
I wasn't drunk.
I do, in fact, have a crappy memory even when sober.

- Sam
Well then.
the fact that I replayed it three times here at work on my speakerphone (not to worry, there was no one else in the office) so that I could get an accurate transcription means that the next ND.com update is going to be fun for you, doesn't it?

- Claris

Not to worry, Sam, I'll call you back soon enough! *insert evil laughter here*

- Claris
You might want to wait to call Sam until he stops weeping over the robotic monkeys. Cause I can't imagine that'd be pretty to witness.
- DarkLady

Tuesday :
Mr. Whyt: hey
Mr. Whyt: hello?
Mr. Whyt: you're probably off having wild crazy sex
Mr. Whyt: no wait...
Mr. Whyt: thats what I'm doing
Mr. Whyt: no I'm not
Mr. Whyt: I'm pathetic
Mr. Whyt: I guess I'll jsut sing a song
Mr. Whyt: something sorrowful
Mr. Whyt: but with joy
Claris: I'm not having crazy wild sex...I went to get my laundry out of the dryer.
Mr. Whyt: and I'll dance a jaunty jog
Mr. Whyt: likely stroy
Mr. Whyt: story
Claris: ruh huh. I'm quoting that ENTIRE thing, dude. she hasn't even been gone a week, and you're already sad & pathetic
Mr. Whyt: I've always been sad and pathetic
Mr. Whyt: I've just hid it well
Claris: but before you were sad, pathetic, & getting laid.
Mr. Whyt: hmmm.....
Mr. Whyt: point
Mr. Whyt: and how you doin?
Claris: I'm all right. tired. pondering bed
Claris: talking to Godeater & reading the alias recap for last week.
Mr. Whyt: bed is good, was heading there myself when on a whim I decided to see if you were online
Mr. Whyt: luckily you were and I ahd the chance to humiliate myself
Mr. Whyt: once more
Claris: *laughter* it's the little things that make our friendship fun, ain't it?
Mr. Whyt: how true
Claris: hee.
Mr. Whyt: I think I have to find a friend less pathetic than me
Claris: yeah, 'cause we all know I ain't that person.
Mr. Whyt: hey you got a job and are living in LA
Claris: although, you're all pining & crap, so that might make me a notch higher.
Mr. Whyt: You're the king baby
Claris: heh
Mr. Whyt: hmmm, reading my previous statement It should be changed too: I think I have to find a friend pathetic than me
Mr. Whyt: *sigh*
Claris: you still messed up that sentence. You know that right?
Mr. Whyt: I think I have to find a friend more pathetic than me
Claris: okay then.
Mr. Whyt: it the patheticness
Mr. Whyt: I'm not even gonna try anymoe
Claris: but it's so fun to watch!
Mr. Whyt: anything to entertain you
Claris: and now that Ms. Whyt's away for a bit, you have so much more time to polish up!
Mr. Whyt: all my patheticness will no longer be wasted on her, but on someone who appreciates it
Claris: nah, there's e-mail. I'm sure you can work your magic there too!
Mr. Whyt: I am, i am
Claris: see? I knew my faith in you wasn't misplaced!
Mr. Whyt: I'm glad I'm living downt o your expectationss
Claris: if it's any help, I'm pretty much doing the same thing! I have been very lazy today
Mr. Whyt: yes but you being lazy= me being productive
Claris: how's that?
Claris: also, at least you have someone to pine for. I've just got Zoey, and I really don't think that's a level I need to take my dog/mommy relationship to, thanks. Plus, I'm pretty sure that's illegal everywhere except several rural areas in the South & whereever they shoot the Abercrombie & Fitch catalog.
Mr. Whyt: cause I'm an extra lazy person. If i were to be as lazy as you, I'd have to rise from standard state of extra-laziness, I would in essence be productive.
Mr. Whyt: You'll find someone
Mr. Whyt: but dont look in the A&F catalog for him.
Mr. Whyt: He'll be some freak who's into horses and threesomes with said horses
Claris: *laughter*
Claris: eh, all I did when I got home from work was drop a dime on someone's ass, take a nap, & do a load of laundry....
Mr. Whyt: dro pa dime? You've become a snitch? A stoolie?
Claris: I did. I was a bitch.
Mr. Whyt: do tell
Mr. Whyt: cause I've (with the help of Ms. Whyt
Mr. Whyt: ) discoverd that I'm a gossiip
Claris: you are!
Claris: hee.
Mr. Whyt: so whatever happened to t hat "give e entertainemtn suggestions" project?
Claris: only two people answered. *grin*
Mr. Whyt: nice y osee the love
Claris: hey, don't take it up with me - talk to the people at Camp....
Mr. Whyt: they scare me


I have a headache. Actually, I don't know if it counts as a headache, because I have an ache behind my eyes. So maybe I have an eyeache? Anyway. Eyes hurt. I would go see if anyone has asprin, but from working at the Snap, I know that CA state law prohibits employers from passing out drugs because they're then liable if I had an allergic reaction to it, so my day job probably won't have any.

In NH, I worked in places where there was actually danger of being killed by poisonous arsenic gas. If you smelled garlic or almonds, poof, you were already gonna die. We had acids that would absorb through your skin & literally melt your bones, but leave your flesh intact.

In California, I can't even score some Tylenol.

Ain't irony grand?

Thursday :
I don't think my ex-wife was in the Black Market Beanie Trade..but then again, I didn't know she was having an affair either!

I have nothing to add to the above...really, just read for yourself...thanks to Cate, who found this one...