We're the ones your mother warned your about...No, seriously. We are.

Yah. I can drive.

Now besides parking cars that are insured for more than my life, there are two other fun aspects to the job. (For those of you new to the game - if I'm calling something "fun", you should automatically apply the < sarcasm> font to the word.) They are - shuttling the other girls, and finding the houses that these people live in, which are scattered not only all along Pacific Coast Highway, but also in and around the maze of roads in the hills of LA.

Please see the first page of this piece for my other two issues at hand.

Now, we can't always park within walking or even jogging distance of the house. Parking any one car in Los Angeles can be a gauntlet in and of itself - finding space to park anywhere from twenty to over a hundred cars? Allow me to draw a parallel for you.

Think of a Rubik cube.

Think of how much they used to piss you off.

Now imagine finally finishing the bastard piece of plastic.
(actually finishing, not just peeling off the stickers and putting it in the right places, ya big cheater.)

So you're done. You're finished. It's this glorious, fanFUCKINGtastic piece of your mental accomplishment.

And then your brother gets bored, comes in, and mixes it all up again.

See? Right there - that look on your face? That is what it can be like to find that much free parking space in LA at times. Private party valet services do that a minimum of 10 times a week, and that's being kind, because it's normally way more. After a while, for certain neighborhoods they gain a strategy, but scouts still have to map it out initially. When cars have to be parked outside of a distance that can be reached in five minutes on foot, we'll arrange for one of the girls to be a shuttle and bring us to and from the staging area to where the cars are parked. For the day, that girl will spend her time driving back and forth for hours on end, with anywhere from one to five girls jumping in and out of her car at any given time. (Last I heard, our record was when seven of us put ourselves in a topless two door Jeep. Don't ask.) Everyone takes a turn, but the bigger your car, the better a shuttle you are.

I drive a 4 door KIA Sportage. Do the math people, do the math.

You know what? When you spend six or seven hours driving around the hills of Bel Air transporting three or four other girls your age and having people bail and jump in and out of your car every time it's not immediately in motion, you get over that whole "people in the car while I'm driving" issue right quick. I would also like to be able to say that it encourages one to keep their car cleaned up and vacuumed, but as any of us can attest, sadly this is not the case, and the first shuttle trip of any given party often includes the driver saying, "Yeah, just shove that in the back and get in."

Right. You've got the job, you've got instructions of when to show and who's doing what and where you're parking and how people are being transported. Now comes the funnest. part. evah.

Find the house.

Your world is not like my world...