|
| Our sad little lives, your comic relief. |
 |
|||||
|  |  |  | |  |
          
|
|
Naked Quidditch Match: 4
To: Fred and George Weasley Mssrs. Weasley: Could I request an additional three hundred units of your most excellent robes? Please send the invoice to The Registrar, Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. I will need the robes in the following sizes: Small - 50 units Thank you kindly, To: Albus Dumbledore / Headmaster Sir, In as much as we would like to take credit for the ingenious robes, I'm afraid that they are not of our product line. Our traitorous little sister has formed a most unholy and evil alliance with the Boy-Who-Mocked-Voldemort. We will, of course, forward your request to the Evil Duo. Regards, To: Albus Dumbledore / Headmaster Professor! What a most excellent name for the robes! In discussing with my CEO, we would be most happy to donate the 300 units to your cause. Ginny Weasley To: Moldiemort You want the Moldiemort Robes off sale? Swear allegiance to me as your Lord and Master and serve as my left hand and we'll see. - HP To: Harry Potter WHAT? You're going to make him your Left Hand?! To: Ginny Weasley I'm right-handed, Gin. CEO, Moldiemort Inc. To: Harry Potter Oh. *blush* Good point. To: Harry Potter Harry... first off, I'm trying very hard not to flip out. I'm given to understand from my "belittled" brothers that you and Ginny are teaming in a business affair. Okay, let's be honest, I take EVERYTHING those two say with a firm twist of salt. You and Ginny? Teaming? AFFAIR? What the hell's going on? If you and my baby sister are...you know... I'm going to kill you! - Ron To: Ron Weasley You git! I sleep in the bloody same DORM as you. Why are you Mmailing me about all this? - HP To: Harry Potter Because I don't want to punch your bloody eyes out if you've not snogged my sister. And what do you mean YOU mocked You-Know-Who? To: Ron Weasley Excuse me, but it's MY innocence you should be worried for. YOUR sister is a dangerous woman. Please note, she founded a very large (unauthorized) fan club, she proposed and found ways and people to prepare a calendar with images from the bloody game against Slytherin. You know the one, the one I have to prance around naked in? That woman would jump my bones if I were not keeping watch out for my own safety! Somehow, I don't think I'm the predator, here, boyo! As for Voldie...did you see the article on the front page of the Daily Prophet? THAT is Gin and my business relationship. - HP To: Ginny Weasley I've taken a stance with your brother in order to: a) keep my nose unbroken, and And, before you get wind of the details in my attempt to ward off a black eye let me provide some truths. Ginny, you are a very scary determined woman. I've always known this, but in the past two days of our business association, it's become clearer than ever that I could not wish for anyone better to aid me in my conquest of the Dark Wizards of the world. - Harry To: Harry Potter Oh. See, that's why I Mmailed you rather than you know, punch first and ask questions after. Ron To: Harry Potter Oh, that's so sweet Harry. You're making me blush. By the by, I am a predator? Ginny To: Ginny Weasley Oh yes. Most definitely a predator. Harry To: Hermione Granger Nuthin's going on. They're the ones behind the Moldiemort Robes. *huh* I wonder if this means Ginny's making some money off of the deal? - Ron To: Ginny Weasley I see you've bamboozled your brother(s). HG To: Hermione Granger Oh, no. That was all my liege lord and master's doing. - G To: Ginny Weasley Ms. Weasley, Your generous offer would be most appreciated. Dumbledore To: Minerva McGonagall / Deputy Headmistress Minerva, I expect delivery of the robes early tomorrow. They are quite spiffing. - Albus To: Albus Dumbledore / Headmaster If they don't get us all killed. Minerva To: Minerva McGonagall / Deputy Headmistress Oh, come now, my dear McGonagall. What is the absolute worst Voldemort could do? Jump up and down shrieking: "Kill Them, Kill Them!"? Besides, they are a snazzy looking item. I'm quite taken with the robes! They make a statement about Voldemort that empowers people against him. - Albus To: Albus Dumbledore / Headmaster You know, Albus, it's all fun and games until someone gets the Killing Curse flung at them. Minerva To: Albus Dumbledore / Headmaster The old boy is definitely off his rocker. He spent most of the meeting jumping up and down shrieking, "Kill them! Kill them!" Btw, do you know that Potter has Voldemort's owl-address? In the middle of a meeting an unmarked owl dropped off a package of Moldiemort Robes. I'm afraid the gift wasn't well received. Severus To: Harry Potter Tomorrow's the day, eh mate? Krum and I have been fiends in the gyms. You seen any of those amazing robes around Hogwarts? I suppose that's Fred & George's little game. D'ya suppose I can get my hands on one? They're selling out like hotcakes! - Oliver To: Oliver Wood No problem, mate. A robe will be here and waiting for you. See you in the morning. BTW, Ginny Weasley will be around during the shoot, but I'm assured that the "no-disclosure" charms will keep our dignity intact. Harry To: Harry Potter Ginny Weasley, huh? - Ollie To: Fred and George Weasley So, they finally hooked up, huh? - Oliver To: Harry Potter Potter: It has come to our attention that your relationship with Ginny is not exclusively businesslike. If you touch her at all, we will hunt you down and hex you until you're a walking advertisement for every product of Weasley's Wizard Wheezes. Sincerely, To: Charlie Weasley Charlie: I don't suppose you're bringing along any HUNGRY dragons with you? I know a few prats who could definitely be filling. - HP To: Harry Potter I hate you Potter! Lord Voldemort To: Harry Potter Are you snogging my little sister? It's not that the family disapproves of you, you know. Mum would be THRILLED to have you as a son-in-law, eventually. The problem is the wagers going around the Wizarding World. Ginny's unrequited adoration of you isn't quite a secret, y'know. There's some serious money involved now as to whether or not she'll nail you down. - Charlie To: Charlie Weasley You're NOT serious! HP To: Lord Moldiemort So, that's a "no"? That's okay, it's far more FUN this way. BTW, Dumbledore's just ordered 300 Moldiemort Robes. Gee, I wonder what he wants them for? Hope you liked yours! Hugs and Kisses, There once was a stinker named Voldie To: Harry Potter Dead serious. So? Are you snogging my sister? Do I need to change my bet? - Charlie To: Harry Potter Harry, According to the Prophet your girlfriend "Virginia Weasley" will be attending the photo shoot. Anything you'd care to explain, dear? - Molly To: Charlie Weasley You put in a BET that your own sister... that I... that we'd... snog? To: Harry Potter You HAVE met my sister, haven't you Harry? You don't stand a chance. - Charlie To: Ginny Weasley Ginny, Hi dear. I hope you're doing well. How are your classes? Things have certainly been busy around here. I scarcely get time to sit down and read the Prophet in the morning over a cuppa. Somehow, however, I do find time. In fact, just this morning I read a fascinating article in the Daily Prophet about the Harry Potter 2003 calendar. It's so nice to see all the serious effort you kids are putting into making this a classy affair. And, I think it's wonderful that Harry's giving all that money to the St. Mungo's Victims Unit. However, the article seems to have made an innocent gaffe. Apparently, you're going to be at the shoot as Harry's girlfriend. Isn't that funny? Tell me, dear. Is there anything you'd care to share with Mummy? To: Hermione Granger My goose is so cooked. Have you SEEN the Prophet? - Ginny To: Ginny Weasley Yes. Yes I have. - HG To: Hermione Granger Well. I was thinking of seducing him. - Ginny To: Ginny Weasley WHAT?! To: Ginny Weasley Hey little sister, How about meeting me for a nice big brother/little sister lunch today in Hogsmeade? Since the photo shoot is today, and most of us have the Hogsmeade trip to go to while Harry and crew strips down to do their thing, I thought we should reconnect. We don't do things together often enough, do we? - Ron To: Hermione Granger Have you seen my sister today? Tried to Mmail her for a lunch get-together and she's not yet picked up her mail or been seen. Any idear where she's at? - Ron To: Ron Weasley I have an idea. Yes. Tell you when we get to Hogsmeade. - Hermione To: Fred and George Weasley Is it just me, or is it suspicious that on the day that Harry's doing the photo shoot for Naked Quidditch Calendar, that our little sister has gone missing? - Ron To: Ron Bugger. |
 |