Our sad little lives, your comic relief. |
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updated....3/15/04 I gave up Catholocism for lent. Oh, I'm sorry. Did I type that on the Internet? I bet my lecture is better, I start off with "This is how you can get herpes of the finger..." Back to my deathbed. Or is it my cubicle? Hell, I can't tell the difference these days... But! Would an evil brainwasher really hesitate before making you think you look old for your age? I think not. In fact, he'd probably have fun with it! WTF? All the cookies on my computer just vanished. Now I've got to remember all my passwords and user names. Arse. Unless he's leaking all over the place, I won't even think about making a comment. Sometimes I think I probably wouldn't hate my job quite so much if it didn't feel like I spent about 1/3 of my day trying to get my phone cord untangled and half of that time worried the cord is going to win. At those temperatures, the nipplometer just falls off the boobs and shatters on the ground It's 8:01 as I start writing this entry and already the day has spiraled to that wonderful point where I want to stab myself with a spork. It was.... great! I mean, being TOLD people are afraid of you (as my boss has once admitted), and SEEING the fear in their eyes is so... uplifting. Maybe I'll go have some soup and ruminate on how to frame the greater significance of my research. Aside from saying "Dude, no one else is doing this but meeeeee!" huh. I wonder where he would have gotten such a disrespectful opinion of women....Oh yeah. How is your mom, btw? So, since I have to be here today, I'll spend the time waiting for the evil boss to return my project drafts by going around the office and licking the phones of people I don't like Since the store was emptier than a PBP weekend lunch held in celebration of Meteor's positive influence on the Bronze... Look ma, no sex! Gina is now home safe and sound with promises to be ridden hard soon. Now I just need to get down to the other shop and get her shiny bits, and she will be as good as new. But that is another story. Not much to say except Beware the Exploding Boobies. I had that badge that says "Rationalization Queen" a minute ago... What I wanna know is why all my namby pamby friends are home sick with sniffles and such, while I'm here at work half blind with a PARASITE in my eyeball???? I'm sorry you have something living in your eye. :) During the date BV2 tried to kiss ladylove. I gave him a little talk about asking first. On the drive home he told her he wanted to marry her. She asked why. His response? "So I can kiss you. Oh Elyse I just want to kiss you ALL over!" However, winning the lottery would be grand.... and then I'd liberate all my friends from the drudgery of their lives. Fortunately, I don't have too many friends so this won't drain every penny. And now that I've actually defended a diet that keeps me from beloved potatoes, I have to go poke my eyes out. but it never rains in southern california! However, I'm sure the fact that I played in the litter box wasn't good for me. Here's a scary feeling: Isn't that the FUN in signatures? The questions it raises? It's a way to increase your mysterious aura... or convince people that your life is weirder than theirs. Which in Claris' case is no big challenge. Oh, I'm sorry. Did I type that on the Internet? imaginary people can collect air miles? Cool. Gotta start sending all my imaginary friends on trips. Sheesh. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, these are my friends. Assassination, torture, bloodletting, beheadings, murders... and a lot of sex. That's what they want for my life. When replying to your friend's email about the discomfort of her thong, I don't think you need to precede it with a self tmi disclaimer. It's tragic when we have to self-edit ourselves to avoid rampant mockery. There you go. Positive, positive, positive. I'm a little ray of sunshine, dammnit. So Anya is just collecting men from the internet now? Somewhere out there in the world - probably in this very country - is the woman who woke me up at 6am looking for Timothy. To her I say, I hope you find ants in your bed tonight. There are two things that will always be synonymous: Bronzers & sexual innuendo It's like the Twilight Zone. If they're as conservative as they like to say, she'd have gotten sacked loooooooong ago. So, either they don't notice her tackyness and inefficiency, or you're the only one who does. Option B puts you in an alternate universe, which can be tricky. Weird, though. Replacing a book doesn't mean you're throwing it in a time machine. If we had one to do that, I'd be throwing you in with a note telling you not to lose your books. Nothing Says "Girly Bonding" Like Foil and Rubber Gloves Ogre: I happen to have a Tickle-Me Elmo. And, to test you theory, I asked him about extending the war on terror to include Iraq. He said, "Me Tazmanian Devil," then gyrated wildly while uttering gibberish. I'm not sure that Denise Richards can SPELL Nuclear Physicist much less make me believe she is one. Vengeful, not bitter. There's a distinction. Now, I go on about thinking the Devil's the most sympathetic character in the Bible and so forth. But it's one thing to do that, and another to actually spend ten minutes convinced that your entire existence is just a construct-persona created by the Devil so as to embed himself in the life of a mortal for the specific purpose of revealing my true nature at the opportune moment and offering him a Faustian bargain. bah! bah! the universe is not aligned favorably! someone should do something about that! I have no shame. I'll whore my keyboard out for money. I always envy the Californians weather, until I remember their seasons are: mudslides, raging fires, earthquakes, plastic surgery. at the moment i'm a bit annoyed that i'm being viciously tortured and y'all are chatting about recipies Claris: okay, I"m gonna go attempt sleep. Heard it was neat, thought I'd give it a try. later, dearie. don't blow anything up while I"m gone. I will, but see she doesn't like werdness. How did she end up with me you ask? I answer: Voodoo
Mr. Whyt: movies dont lie Hooray for New England! (maybe no one will notice our basketball team.) But I haven't urinated in the middle of the night for a very, very, very long time.....? I mean, that's why I don't wear a nappy any more... great, the mental image of you in a diaper will now follow me as I try to go to sleep... Yes. You are very friendly, which is amusing, given how much you don't like the humans. are you still going to remember all the little people (well just me really) who you've crushed on your way to world domination? Honestly, it was like day and night. First time, it was like this pleasant 60's Beatles video. Pretty colors! Rainbows and tunnels of light! Gosh, everything's pretty! And then, bam, I'm the fucking Devil.. Ah, well. What I lack in tact or the confidence of my friends, I make up for in comic relief. I know everyone hears "Sam thought he was the Devil" and thinks, "Ah, business as usual," but let me tell you, that was fucked. Alrighty. I wish you power and strength, my dear sister-in-spirit. Feel free to take the brain if you need it to survive.
Anya: Maybe giving up coke wasn't such a good idea.
Claris: *sigh* DOn't wanna do the next 24 hours....*whine* Isn't it great how you develop really annoying habbits when drunk. Another lesson from today: Keeping sterile latex gloves in the car isn't as odd as I once thought it was. You never know when you'll need them to move dead bodies. Perhaps I could try selling my integrity on eBay... Yes. Must concentrate on getting healthy. Not for work, not for my own survivial - for the opporunity to seduce a hot boy. I found one of the thousands of unlabeled mix cd's I have made over the past few years in my desk. It's kind of fun listening to a cd full of stuff I know I like but having no idea what song is coming up next. I guess it's like an Ipod on random but cheaper and for lazy, forgetful people. the panic on her face was incredible, and I'm there thinking "do they not have sex in england?" Dunno what it all means, but woooooh look, we're using funny greek symbols so it must be important. I truly think Hell is the mental aspect where we suffer as part of the circle in learning. Just like a child doesn't learn to walk without falling down, we don't grow without some pain. Sucks, but there it is. I mean, this is why camera phones aren't a good idea. Friends don't let friends take pictures of drunken friends and send them over the internet. I mean, Joan of Arcadia even said that! :)
- Closet Buffyholic The only good squirrel is a dead squirrel. But a coma squirrel is an acceptable temporary substitute. I am *NOT* giving up chocolate. I'm convinced it's a vegetable, anyway. Just because I am friendly does not mean I am your friend. Hell, believe it or not, I'm an authority figure. Stop laughing. I am. And then, hello... repressed British man goes horny. Despite what my mood seems to indicate, I have not actually regressed to six months old. I'm leaving fairly early; my flight gets in at 6 p.m., so I think the flight leaves LA at around noon. You're great when you're motivated & you have to do things just for money! I have beaten (metaphorically) the apartment office people, who magically found my tickets. I love how the words "incurring liability for care, custody or control of another's personal property" get me results. It almost makes that $60 K of law school debt worthwhile, I tell you what. People are very, very stupid. So very many of them are so very stupid that I can't even post to all the smart people on my friends list, because I've suffered a concussion from banging my head on the keyboard. It is nice to be reminded that despite my soft and cuddly exterior, I really am a sick bastard deep inside. Well, I figured out why teachers are being tabbed as terrorist. It's the WEAPONS OF MATH INSTRUCTION! We had to beat people off with a stick! (Sometimes we just did that for fun, though, anyway.)
From: Polgara The last thing you need when travelling that fast is some silly Dell computer taking a moral stand *g* Those French. It's like they have a different word for EVERYTHING! I'd tell her to bite me, except she'd be offended that I wanted her to taint her precious self with animal product. I nearly made beef stew, but I only made it through about eight hours of the process. The current stage is now in the refrigerator, waiting for me to finish the final stages. I brought something cool to show the ones who do come, so nyeah. SWF called in sick today. Please let her be at an interview. Please let her be at an interview..... Come on big guy, if I'm giving up meat on Fridays during Lent, I'd like to think I should get something in return... Of course, I could be hallucinating from all the meds I am taking. It's like Days of Our Lives, but without anyone I want to see naked involved. Wow. but the internet is a hypochondriac's best friend!!! whew...that took a lot of thinkiness you don't know comedy until you find yourself in stirrups singing a song from "Grease 2" with your gynocologist. tell your brother if he's going to join a cult he ought to at least join AMWAY, so he could make some money off the deal. Plus, their laundry soap? Not so bad. Now, I have some pretty amazing early morning skillz, developed over the course of the 18 months I've been doing this job. At 5am, I am capable of retaining my tenuous hold on consciousness; managing some basic motor functions; and expressing myself with a rudimentary use of the English language, not unlike that of a highly trained parrot.
moppety: what if I'm a big slacker On a purely snarky note, perhaps Sarah will learn not to order furniture from online companies that ship from the other side of the country; and next time, order a less ugly table. Who knows? It might help. Well, it's Monday, again, and I'm trying hard not to take it personally. Also, if you ever find yourself in a situation where you ask the question: What would Jimmy Buffett do? I think you know you're in trouble. But that's just me. Already all over that like a crazed fan on a save Angel campaign. *whistles innocently* I think you should all just come over to Edinburgh for a party. It wouldn't take any organising, we'd just go to the pub, get pissed, maybe a Chinese or Kebab after, then the puking then the taxis, then home. Yay! Connections. My brain is a strange, random place, horribly polluted by over-consumption of pop cultural product. |
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