Our sad little lives, your comic relief.










updated....3/15/04

I gave up Catholocism for lent.
- Closet Buffyholic

Oh, I'm sorry. Did I type that on the Internet?
- Claris

I bet my lecture is better, I start off with "This is how you can get herpes of the finger..."
- Bastion Ridley
You can get herpes of the finger? I need to stop this 'curiosity' thing.
- PDR

Back to my deathbed. Or is it my cubicle? Hell, I can't tell the difference these days...
- RTBS

But! Would an evil brainwasher really hesitate before making you think you look old for your age? I think not. In fact, he'd probably have fun with it!
- eiddy

WTF? All the cookies on my computer just vanished. Now I've got to remember all my passwords and user names. Arse.
- Amish Boy
Amish Boy Arse isn't hard to remember.
- Xanderella

Unless he's leaking all over the place, I won't even think about making a comment.
- Anya

Sometimes I think I probably wouldn't hate my job quite so much if it didn't feel like I spent about 1/3 of my day trying to get my phone cord untangled and half of that time worried the cord is going to win.
- Lovely Poet

At those temperatures, the nipplometer just falls off the boobs and shatters on the ground
- paksenarrion

It's 8:01 as I start writing this entry and already the day has spiraled to that wonderful point where I want to stab myself with a spork.
- Lovely Poet

It was.... great! I mean, being TOLD people are afraid of you (as my boss has once admitted), and SEEING the fear in their eyes is so... uplifting.
Really. Okay, for ME it is.
Hee!
Okay, back to sex...

- Anya

Maybe I'll go have some soup and ruminate on how to frame the greater significance of my research. Aside from saying "Dude, no one else is doing this but meeeeee!"
- DarkLady

huh. I wonder where he would have gotten such a disrespectful opinion of women....Oh yeah. How is your mom, btw?
- Little Sister

So, since I have to be here today, I'll spend the time waiting for the evil boss to return my project drafts by going around the office and licking the phones of people I don't like
- RTBS on having to go to work when one has Mono

Since the store was emptier than a PBP weekend lunch held in celebration of Meteor's positive influence on the Bronze...
- Claris
Ow. You forgot the snerk warning on this. Lemonade and sinus passages are not a match made in heaven.
- Lovely Poet

Look ma, no sex!
- Anya

Gina is now home safe and sound with promises to be ridden hard soon. Now I just need to get down to the other shop and get her shiny bits, and she will be as good as new. But that is another story.
- CB Bro
He's talking about his motorcycle. No, for real.

Not much to say except Beware the Exploding Boobies.
- Leather Jacket

I had that badge that says "Rationalization Queen" a minute ago...
- DarkLady

What I wanna know is why all my namby pamby friends are home sick with sniffles and such, while I'm here at work half blind with a PARASITE in my eyeball????
- Angelgazer

I'm sorry you have something living in your eye. :)
- amberlynne

During the date BV2 tried to kiss ladylove. I gave him a little talk about asking first. On the drive home he told her he wanted to marry her. She asked why. His response? "So I can kiss you. Oh Elyse I just want to kiss you ALL over!"
OMFG he is way too horny for a 6 year-old...
Check me out on 20/20 in a few years when he is 12 and has gotten his teacher pregnant...

- newfan
Note to self: put coffee down before reading board.
- Sarah

However, winning the lottery would be grand.... and then I'd liberate all my friends from the drudgery of their lives. Fortunately, I don't have too many friends so this won't drain every penny.
- Anya

And now that I've actually defended a diet that keeps me from beloved potatoes, I have to go poke my eyes out.
- Vanessa

but it never rains in southern california!
Except on Alias.

- DarkLady

However, I'm sure the fact that I played in the litter box wasn't good for me.
- angelgazer

Here's a scary feeling:
You're in a public bathroom and you're spinning and spinning the toilet paper and you can't find the end of the roll. And in that brief moment you get terrified as visions of what you might have to do if you can't find it ever. Then you start thinking about how long your nails are and whether you can just tear the damn thing apart.
And with that, the end of the paper falls down and taunts you.
Why do the cleaning people do that? They hide the end just to mess with us, I swear it.

- DarkLady

Isn't that the FUN in signatures? The questions it raises? It's a way to increase your mysterious aura... or convince people that your life is weirder than theirs. Which in Claris' case is no big challenge.
- Anya

Oh, I'm sorry. Did I type that on the Internet?
- Claris

imaginary people can collect air miles? Cool. Gotta start sending all my imaginary friends on trips.
- Sarah

Sheesh. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, these are my friends. Assassination, torture, bloodletting, beheadings, murders... and a lot of sex. That's what they want for my life.
- DarkLady
But, hey... there's the sex. The rest is small payment for all the sex.
- Anya

When replying to your friend's email about the discomfort of her thong, I don't think you need to precede it with a self tmi disclaimer.
- Little sister

It's tragic when we have to self-edit ourselves to avoid rampant mockery.
- Anya

There you go. Positive, positive, positive. I'm a little ray of sunshine, dammnit.
- Chrissy

So Anya is just collecting men from the internet now?
that's a bit disturbing...

- DarkLady

Somewhere out there in the world - probably in this very country - is the woman who woke me up at 6am looking for Timothy. To her I say, I hope you find ants in your bed tonight.
- Polgara

There are two things that will always be synonymous: Bronzers & sexual innuendo
- Rocket Science Guy

It's like the Twilight Zone. If they're as conservative as they like to say, she'd have gotten sacked loooooooong ago. So, either they don't notice her tackyness and inefficiency, or you're the only one who does. Option B puts you in an alternate universe, which can be tricky. Weird, though.
- Megdalen

Replacing a book doesn't mean you're throwing it in a time machine. If we had one to do that, I'd be throwing you in with a note telling you not to lose your books.
- Sachiel

Nothing Says "Girly Bonding" Like Foil and Rubber Gloves
- Pipesdreams

Ogre: I happen to have a Tickle-Me Elmo. And, to test you theory, I asked him about extending the war on terror to include Iraq. He said, "Me Tazmanian Devil," then gyrated wildly while uttering gibberish.
No mindless insistence that there are WMDs. I say it's sound.
I also think my Tickle-Me Elmo's possessed.

- Terwilliger

I'm not sure that Denise Richards can SPELL Nuclear Physicist much less make me believe she is one.
- RTBS

Vengeful, not bitter. There's a distinction.
- Anya

Now, I go on about thinking the Devil's the most sympathetic character in the Bible and so forth. But it's one thing to do that, and another to actually spend ten minutes convinced that your entire existence is just a construct-persona created by the Devil so as to embed himself in the life of a mortal for the specific purpose of revealing my true nature at the opportune moment and offering him a Faustian bargain.
So. Yeah.
Weird weekend.

- Sam

bah! bah! the universe is not aligned favorably! someone should do something about that!
- eiddy
We have a project here that is designed to do just that, but I can't really talk about it. Need to know and all that. Send me your LAT and LONG coordinates.
- CB Bro

I have no shame. I'll whore my keyboard out for money.
- DarkLady

I always envy the Californians weather, until I remember their seasons are: mudslides, raging fires, earthquakes, plastic surgery.
- Xanderella

at the moment i'm a bit annoyed that i'm being viciously tortured and y'all are chatting about recipies
- DarkLady

Claris: okay, I"m gonna go attempt sleep. Heard it was neat, thought I'd give it a try. later, dearie. don't blow anything up while I"m gone.
MrWhyt: note to self: disarm bomb

I will, but see she doesn't like werdness. How did she end up with me you ask? I answer: Voodoo
- Mr. Whyt

Mr. Whyt: movies dont lie
Mr. Whyt: according to sophie Godzilla is always rampaging through Tokyo
Mr. Whyt: so if the japanese movies are true I be thte North american ones are as well
Claris: *laughter* I like sophie more every day
Mr. Whyt: I keep telling her that it'd be funny to randomly point and scream "Godzilla!!!!!" but she wants to retain her "dignity"

Hooray for New England! (maybe no one will notice our basketball team.)
- Megdalen

But I haven't urinated in the middle of the night for a very, very, very long time.....? I mean, that's why I don't wear a nappy any more...
- PDR

great, the mental image of you in a diaper will now follow me as I try to go to sleep...
- DarkLady

Yes. You are very friendly, which is amusing, given how much you don't like the humans.
- Xanderella

are you still going to remember all the little people (well just me really) who you've crushed on your way to world domination?
- Mr. Whyt
Sure...what was your name again?
Besides, if you weren't there, who would entertain me with their patheticness on AIM at 11:30 at night, hrm? *grin*

- Claris
so all I am to you is entertainment? You used me!!! But thats ok as I haven't been used for awhile.
- Mr. Whyt
Shut it, bitch.
You know you like it when I hurt you. *grin*

- Claris
yes mistress *abject servitude*
- Mr. Whyt
Such a nice boy...
- Claris
thats what all the dominatrixes say
- Mr. Whyt
Been keeping ourselves busy since the Ms. went to Japan, huh?
- Claris
ummmmmmmmmmmmm no? *shifty eyes*
- Mr. Whyt

Honestly, it was like day and night. First time, it was like this pleasant 60's Beatles video. Pretty colors! Rainbows and tunnels of light! Gosh, everything's pretty! And then, bam, I'm the fucking Devil..
- Sam

Ah, well. What I lack in tact or the confidence of my friends, I make up for in comic relief.
- Sam

I know everyone hears "Sam thought he was the Devil" and thinks, "Ah, business as usual," but let me tell you, that was fucked.
- Sam

Alrighty. I wish you power and strength, my dear sister-in-spirit. Feel free to take the brain if you need it to survive.
- Anya

Anya: Maybe giving up coke wasn't such a good idea.
Claris: *snicker*
Claris: ya think?
Anya: *sigh*
Claris: *pet*pet* I've got five bottles of soda....
Anya: Shut it.
Anya: I'm doing fine with my withdrawal. FINE.
Claris: heh. I actually hav to get more.
Claris: sure you are. *pet*pet*
Anya: Remind me to hit you upside the head. And yes, I'll need a step-stool. Your point?
Claris: *laughter*

Claris: *sigh* DOn't wanna do the next 24 hours....*whine*
Anya: I know. I can't believe you're gonna go through the next 24 hours. I have no idea how you'll manage that without killing people.
Claris: well, I never promised THAT, nwo did I?
Anya: Good point.

Isn't it great how you develop really annoying habbits when drunk.
- TMorel

Another lesson from today: Keeping sterile latex gloves in the car isn't as odd as I once thought it was. You never know when you'll need them to move dead bodies.
- Anya

Perhaps I could try selling my integrity on eBay...
- Kansas
And what would you do with the two dollars? ;)
- Amish Boy

Yes. Must concentrate on getting healthy. Not for work, not for my own survivial - for the opporunity to seduce a hot boy.
I'm glad I have my priorities in check.

- Chrissy

I found one of the thousands of unlabeled mix cd's I have made over the past few years in my desk. It's kind of fun listening to a cd full of stuff I know I like but having no idea what song is coming up next. I guess it's like an Ipod on random but cheaper and for lazy, forgetful people.
- amberlynne

the panic on her face was incredible, and I'm there thinking "do they not have sex in england?"
- 'stina

Dunno what it all means, but woooooh look, we're using funny greek symbols so it must be important.
- TMorel

I truly think Hell is the mental aspect where we suffer as part of the circle in learning. Just like a child doesn't learn to walk without falling down, we don't grow without some pain. Sucks, but there it is.
What I want to know is, what is Paris Hilton learning in this spin around the wheel?

- Anya

I mean, this is why camera phones aren't a good idea. Friends don't let friends take pictures of drunken friends and send them over the internet. I mean, Joan of Arcadia even said that! :) - Closet Buffyholic
Yes, but if we lived by that, how would we get any pictures from Bronzer weekends?
- Claris

The only good squirrel is a dead squirrel. But a coma squirrel is an acceptable temporary substitute.
- Narrator

I am *NOT* giving up chocolate. I'm convinced it's a vegetable, anyway.
- Anya

Just because I am friendly does not mean I am your friend. Hell, believe it or not, I'm an authority figure. Stop laughing. I am.
- Lovely Poet

And then, hello... repressed British man goes horny.
- Anya

Despite what my mood seems to indicate, I have not actually regressed to six months old.
- Lovely Poet

I'm leaving fairly early; my flight gets in at 6 p.m., so I think the flight leaves LA at around noon.
- Closet B
Ah, bummer. I'm planning on being hungover right around then. :-D
- Polgara

You're great when you're motivated & you have to do things just for money!
- Anya

I have beaten (metaphorically) the apartment office people, who magically found my tickets. I love how the words "incurring liability for care, custody or control of another's personal property" get me results. It almost makes that $60 K of law school debt worthwhile, I tell you what.
- Closet B

People are very, very stupid. So very many of them are so very stupid that I can't even post to all the smart people on my friends list, because I've suffered a concussion from banging my head on the keyboard.
That is all.
Sadly.
Love,
QWERTY UIOP

- Xanderella

It is nice to be reminded that despite my soft and cuddly exterior, I really am a sick bastard deep inside.
- CB Bro

Well, I figured out why teachers are being tabbed as terrorist. It's the WEAPONS OF MATH INSTRUCTION!
- RTBS

We had to beat people off with a stick! (Sometimes we just did that for fun, though, anyway.)
- Closet B

From: Polgara
Date: Tue, 24 Feb 2004 13:52:13 -0800
To: Claris
Subject: video! of you with Andy Hallett!
Use the links above to see all four of the AH singing videos

- Polgara
Moments like this remind me why I keep a healthy fear of the internet (and my friends)
- Claris

The last thing you need when travelling that fast is some silly Dell computer taking a moral stand *g*
- TMorel

Those French. It's like they have a different word for EVERYTHING!
- Closet B

I'd tell her to bite me, except she'd be offended that I wanted her to taint her precious self with animal product.
- Lovely Poet

I nearly made beef stew, but I only made it through about eight hours of the process. The current stage is now in the refrigerator, waiting for me to finish the final stages.
- Vanessa
Honey, what the hell recipe are you using? Did you slaughter the steer, yourself?
- Xanderella

I brought something cool to show the ones who do come, so nyeah.
- DarkLady
Nifty. What'cha bring? Huh? Huh? Can we see? Huh? Oh wait. Internet.
- Anya

SWF called in sick today. Please let her be at an interview. Please let her be at an interview..... Come on big guy, if I'm giving up meat on Fridays during Lent, I'd like to think I should get something in return...
- Little Sister

Of course, I could be hallucinating from all the meds I am taking.
Naaaw....I would be seeing cool things were I hallucinating.

- paksennarion

It's like Days of Our Lives, but without anyone I want to see naked involved. Wow.
- Godeater

but the internet is a hypochondriac's best friend!!!
- DarkLady

whew...that took a lot of thinkiness
- Moppety

you don't know comedy until you find yourself in stirrups singing a song from "Grease 2" with your gynocologist.
aHAHA.

- Divaliving

tell your brother if he's going to join a cult he ought to at least join AMWAY, so he could make some money off the deal. Plus, their laundry soap? Not so bad.
- Closet Buffyholic

Now, I have some pretty amazing early morning skillz, developed over the course of the 18 months I've been doing this job. At 5am, I am capable of retaining my tenuous hold on consciousness; managing some basic motor functions; and expressing myself with a rudimentary use of the English language, not unlike that of a highly trained parrot.
- Pipesdreams

moppety: what if I'm a big slacker
moppety: and don't put stuff on it
Claris: *laughter* Dude. you're talking to the girl that's missed the last TWO ND.com updates 'cause of work.
Claris: you will.
moppety: or what if I'm stooopid and find that I can't?
moppety: or!
moppety: what if I do and it looks stoopid
Claris: Trust me - you'll have to work pretty frickin' hard to make stuff that qualifies as "dumb" considering the crap that's to be found on the internet.
moppety: but no one tells me so they can point all their freinds to the stoopid website and mock me behind the safety and ananymity of the internet
moppety: or
moppety: I could lose all ability to type

On a purely snarky note, perhaps Sarah will learn not to order furniture from online companies that ship from the other side of the country; and next time, order a less ugly table. Who knows? It might help.
- Dunlin

Well, it's Monday, again, and I'm trying hard not to take it personally.
- PDR

Also, if you ever find yourself in a situation where you ask the question: What would Jimmy Buffett do? I think you know you're in trouble. But that's just me.
- TexasWook

Already all over that like a crazed fan on a save Angel campaign. *whistles innocently*
- OzLady

I think you should all just come over to Edinburgh for a party. It wouldn't take any organising, we'd just go to the pub, get pissed, maybe a Chinese or Kebab after, then the puking then the taxis, then home. Yay!
- Amish Boy
But I'd really like to do something different.
- nails
Well it would different people's shoes you'd be yakking on.
- Amish Boy

Connections. My brain is a strange, random place, horribly polluted by over-consumption of pop cultural product.
I like it.

- Chrissy

January 15, 2004