Our sad little lives, your comic relief.


Now I'm itching in very indecent places. Dammit.
- Anya
You'll just have to rub yourself to make the itching go away, now won't you?
- Claris

I have an hour between classes and am i using it productivley? no I'm planning a muppet porn shoot.
- Mr. Whyt

I'm sorry, are we talking bedroom activities?
Little Sister

Okay, I'll ask. HRIH?

I know what INRI is, but I'm thinking that anything associated with you won't be at the top of a crucifix to symbolize the inscription "King of the Jews"....

But hey. I'm wacky that way.
- Claris to Anya

How hard can it be to get 1500 words about history? I mean, I have that many words that I have to cut from my opinions!
- Closet Buffaholic

Show them what you are really made of.
- Amaranth
If I did that, I'd get fired. Let's be honest here.
- Claris

Drive to NH? Not happening!
- Little Sister

I should just suck it up and become a sheep herder in Nepal. Or goats. Or whatever livestock they have there. They're much easier to handle than boys because all I would need is a really big stick and some really tall boots. I'm ahead of the game there since I already have the latter and I suppose there is no shortage of big sticks in Nepal.
- Miss MoneyPenny

Once again, I'd like to thank you for that intellectual contribution to our relationship.
- Claris

Allyson -- Polgara is pregnant? See, that's what polgaraing will do for you. Or to you. Or, more precisely, to her.
- Narrator - on a possible April Fool's joke. (Polgara is so NOT pregnant!)

There simply isn't enough caffeine in the world to satisfy me.
- Miss MoneyPenny

Would that be a peace-offering type thing to do? Not that he knows I think he's an asshole, but at least I'd be able to feel like I made an effort.
- Claris

It's not Traumatized. It's Mentally Realigned.
- Psycho Sam

But I also need sleep and sanity, so we'll see how this goes.
- Miss MoneyPenny
It's entirely possible that those two requirements just put you in the "too fussy" category.
- Claris

Put that in your browser & shut it.

And DON'T be quoting me.

So, did you see the little note on the intranet bout training rooms and the internet??? yeah, kinda funny, it went up the day after our class was spoken to!
- Betsy
That rocks! We like, made trouble! We challenged the man! We're badasses!

And you know we got the Network Admin. in trouble.
- Claris

Of course it turns out the reason I like this season is because it's been dumbed down enough for me to understand. Now I know.
- Amish Boy

That's my theory, and i'm sticking to it. It's better for my zen than believing that they just don't give a shit, you know?
- Allyson

this millennium sucks
- little bam bam

Therefore, there's really only one thing I can do, isn't there? I must bait him with my availability until he snaps. And then I - you know, I actually hadn't thought that far along the plan. huh. I was pretty much just focusing on the fun part.
- Claris

Note: Getting drunk off yer ass at three in the afternoon may sound like a good idea at the time, but being hungover at seven in the evening sucks even more then you might think.
- Godeater.

They think that I'm just what they've been looking for. Until I start talking.
- Robyn TSH

We, being very good and kind friends, mocked him mercilessly about being cited for drunken walking provided comforting support.
- Adri

Ah, I see. Sorry, normally I tend to get "FREAK!" screamed at me by mothers while they hide their children's faces & call for the village authorities with pitchforks & torches.
- Claris
You don't email me things to get me to yell freak, or do you, oh oh, I think I may have been taking your emails incorrectly.... :oP
- Betsy

See, Claris? I signed just to make your world a rosy kind of happy place.
- Anya, on admitting it was her responding anonymously in my LiveJournal.

Oh, wait, I'm wrong. I just remembered those pictures Chrissy has. But I'm a drunken idiot in those...
- Psycho Sam

I imagine it's just as bad in your corner of the world, but this is 'me-time'. And in 'me-time' we will feel sorry for 'me'.
- Anya

At this point, I think I've earned the right to let him have his say. That way, when he feels all authoritative and validated on his position in life, I can cut him off at the knees & see how long it takes him to do the math & realize precisely how badly I just insulted him.
Humm. Maybe I should send *that* one to Karen. *grin*
- Claris

Hey, it ain't as big a deal to me as it is to the other fellow. If you insist on remaining a paragon of sobriety, it means there's more alcohol for me.
- Psycho Sam

Anya just told me she is thinking of quitting..but then she would have to sell her body for money to pay for rent
- Amaranth

You know what, just when I think my world can't get any worse, you successfully manage to prove it ain't so bad.

Go you!
- Anya to Claris

Didn't think you were looking for too much until you asked for the decent salary. That crossed the line. THERE ARE STARVING CHILDREN IN INDIA YOU KNOW!!!
- Amaranth
So? They're in India, dammit! I'm right here!
- Claris

Ah. Yes. Women, evil, right, I've actually picked that up already.
- Psycho Sam

Where did she go? book shopping? gun shopping?
- Amaranth, on finding out that Anya wasn't at her desk.

so I say nothing.....like the social retard that I am.....
- Betsy

Well, it wasn't phone sex, but the procrastination was good.
- Anya

And is everything set for this weekend? Because when Dustin gets up to pee after you two have wild wall action, I want him to look at the wall in your bathroom & go, "Wow. Nice paint job."
- Claris on Anya's rush to finish painting her bathroom

hehehehe, course compared to your friends, I am suddenly normal and boring :O)
- Betsy after reading Claris' LiveJournal & seeing our madness......

For anyone who balks at me posting in the Slash thread, (*cough Claris cough*) just remember that Robyn the Snowshoe Hare was editing slash fic before I even knew what it was. See? It's all a big learning experience.
- Megdalen (dot matrix)

I'm deletint the past post. I should learn not to post while in a certain... chemically induced disposition.
- Psycho Sam

If we bring him back physically damaged, there might be questions.
- Claris

Ewwwww.... I think I'm going to be sick just watching the mental images flashing through my head right now.
- Evalie it was this whole fisting thing...

Adri do you have any idea how BAD BAD BAD it sounds to read "Bronzers taught me the meaning of fisting?"
- chiquens the holy

There's a phrase I'm searching for here....what is it? Oh! Wait! I know!

Fuck you.
- Claris

I am toooooo fun!!! Just not muppet porn fun.
- angelgazer

On a seperate note...how is daddy-hood...still no baby hear...we are trying, and let me tell you its tough work...
- TexasWook to RTBS

We're still waiting to come into work one day & find out that we're actually employed by the Hari Krishnas.
- Claris

Sorry. Once I get in exposition mode, it's hard to get out.
- Psycho Sam

Speaking of freakboys, where's kenix this evening?
- Closet Buffaholic

The weather is here. Wish you were beautiful.
No, wait, that's not it.
- Leather Jacket

Besides, clever and cute men are worth sacrificing the morals just to have fun with.
- Anya
I need to find a man to give up my moralities for. Can we go shopping for that? Because wow. That'd be neat.
- Claris

Let's face some painful facts. Your dog is an utter idiot. I mean, really.
- Anya, on Zoey

Doesn't anyone just sit around and drink anymore???
- Chrissy

Dammit. I want to be independantly wealthy and indulgently sleep in until 10, gym until noon, shop until 4, bathe and primp until 6, check email until 7, dinner with my fabulously sexy debonair and wealthy husband between 7 - 9, check email until 10, sex between 10 - 11 (or 12 if he's good), and then sleep until 10am again.

THAT is the life I want.

- Anya, after hearing that her boss had decided to come into work for the day.

Your porn movie suggestion both amuses and horrifies me. Please stop.
- Chrissy

well yeah, I'd be tired and docile if I'd spent the day tied up in chains as well. *g*
- Little Sister

You are a truly frightening girl.

A lot.

That is all.
- Chrissy, after I wrote a paragraph of Muppet-porn to fulfill her (joking!) suggestion.

I'm willing to put up with a lot, but Big Bird porn is just ... wrong.
- Narrator

I didn't realize I could be this bored.

Huh. You learn something new everyday.
- Amberlynne

If I can do it, there are six-week-dead hobos who can do it.
- Psycho Sam

Ok. That was my optimistic statement for the year. Anybody needs me I'll be back in my corner muttering about how things fall apart and the center cannot hold, as per usual.
- Psycho Sam

believe you me, you never want to see 101 Dalmations porn
- Tamerlane

But it's one thing to be the poor bastard who discovers secrets man should not know, eldritch horrors that snap the mind like a twig.

It's something else to be the guy who sees him gibbering in the corner and goes, "Ooh! Ooh! Let me see too!"
- Psycho Sam

Narrator : You've never done a sink? You've never taken your tool and slipped it around a nut and worked it and twisted it until it was good and tight? You don't know what you're missing.
- Leather Jacket

I was going to ask you to put my fiance on the floor, I mean the phone!
- Pat

Why you should always wait for people who type slower than you do on AIM...
Soo....whatcha doin'?
Claris: You didn't put up an away message, did you? You're off somewhere, inducing an inebriated state, and here I am talking to your mother fucking computer!
Sam : Not a lot. My plans for tonight didn't pan out, so I'm just screwing around on the net, talking to a couple people. Yourself?
Claris : Oh. Never mind then.
I guess "Whoops" would be applicable here. And I think I just earned myself another entry into the quote file....*grin*

Sam : Indeed. *snicker*

Narrator: Oh yes. It was the combination of voles and Rob Thomas and Transformers porn. Now, not only am I straight, but I'm perverted straight at that.
- Slavey

Hey relax....you know we were only kidding...I mean come on can you REALLY picture me fully clothed??
Prince of Lunacy

More fun from Sam....watch what you say!
Psycho Sam: Well, duh, of course you can kick my ass. I'm female. All that damn chivalry programming is burned onto my frontal lobe. I can't fight back against girls. That's why Amanda Toland was able to kick the shit out of me in elementary school...
Psycho Sam: YOU'RE female
Psycho Sam: You're.
Psycho Sam: Type.
Psycho Sam: Shit. That typo's going in your damned quote file, isn't it?
Claris: YES! It damn sure is!
Sam :
You're evil. And not wacky fun evil. The original variety.

And there, I've just taken the fun out of the whole damn thing. My work here is done.
- Xanderella

Ha! I've finally found a way to intimidate people! (stop laughing)
See, when you're interviewing people, they know nothing about you and they fear you. This, I find, is very very cool. I could get used to this. I may never hire someone, just so I can always have people who fear me.
- MeeB

Oh Anya's mom's name hereThe Mother of the Beast's a lovely woman. Very nice. She's just aware that her daughter is, in actuality, a danger to society as we know it. And, like any upstanding citizen, she wants to make sure she's not blamed when Anya just snaps & goes psycho.
- Claris on Anya's mom.

Does anyone else feel the need to, I don't know, go do something related to like, satan worship just to wash the cute off?
- Claris

paks well "meeting" in that case was code for "comshucking like bunnies"
- Dark Lady

Am I the only person who thinks these things? Yes? Okay.
- Closet Buffaholic

"I have nipple cancer! Take a picture with me!"
- DreamLurker & co. mocking Britney.....

Man, if I end up naked with NSync....wow. I don't even think there's a finish for that sentence.
- Claris

*sigh* My office is working VERY hard to drive me completely insane today. They're having a remarkably high degree of success, dammit!
- Anya
are we talking the office furniture, or the people in your office? Because if the inanimate objects are mocking your sanity....that just ain't good.
- Claris

It's like peanut butter without chocolate. It's good, but it could be better."
- Kristen

"Off to sleep, perchance to wake up in a cold sweat after dreaming that someone's driving me off a cliff. I hate that dream. If I'm gonna dream that I'm being driven off a cliff ala "Thelma & Louise" I at least want the sex with Brad Pitt part of the movie in my dream. I'm going to file a formal protest."
- Closet Buffaholic

"Being a grown up is a lot like junior high school. Only with knee pain."
- SarahNicole

"Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup."
- Lovely Poet

"We're crazy. All of us. I mean when I think of the things we've done...we're a bunch of loons!"
- Kristen

"You just know he has some childhood trauma that gives him trouble performing in bed."
- Polgara

"Lately I've been an endangered wetland."
- Robyn TSH

"Off to find superglue for Jesus!"
- Closet Buffaholic

The Death Series :

Please excuse Anya from work today. She has a very nasty case of death, and rigor-mortis disables her from working.

I anticipate her recovery in the next few days.

Thank you.

(*sigh* Translated to: I don't WANTA go to work, dammit. But, I guess I'll leave in ten minutes like I should. Blah.)

Dear Anya :

We are sorry to inform you that your request for time off due to personal death was denied. Get your ass to work - if I had to show up today, so do you!


Dear Mr. Death:

Bite. Me.

- Anya
Recognized Evil Goddess

Dear Anya :


But that is one of the more interesting offers I've had lately. So thanks.

- Soon to be the villain in the upcoming Christopher Golden novel "The Ferryman"......


This the song that doesn't end....