So, this morning, Zoey & I had a chat.....it went something like this :

*poke* Mom.....hey. Mom *poke*poke*
What. Do. You. Want?
Gotta go, Mom.
My cell phone hasn't beeped yet. You know the rule.
*jumps off the bed* C'mon, Mom......take me out. you know you wanna!
Fuck. You.
*jumps back on the bed* Takemeouttakemeouttakemeouttakemeouttakemeouttakemeout.....*poking with nose*takemeouttakemeouttakemeouttakemeout.....
I'm gonna kick your ass if you don't stop it.....
I'm gonna pee in your bed if you don't take me......
Zoey, come on.....it's...*look at the clock* It's four thirty in the morning!
Still gotta go. Come on, Mom. Let's go! It'll be fun!
I hate you.
I know.....you gonna put pants on yet, or what?
*sigh* fine....but don't think I'm gonna let you sneak back on the bed when we get in.....
*schlep our asses out the door - Okay, I schlepped, she skipped merrily along, bitty tail wigglin' the whole way (little bitch)*
*me standing there as she pees the freakin' Nile* You know, I'm gonna just ditch your ass somewhere in the wilds of Montana when we drive to CA if you keep this shit up.
Shhh! Don't talk! You'll make it creep back up!
And you started watching The Breakfast Club.....when? Where was I when you were exploring Brat Pack movies?
*shrug* Man, who hasn't seen that movie? Sheesh....
*walking back to the house* You know, that whole Montana thing? I totally meant it.
Suuuuuuure you did. Don't worry, I believe you.
Patronizing little wench. Have you been talking to Anya?
What are you, kidding me? After I jumped on her head @ OzLady's house & woke her up? I'm not suicidal! There's gonna be witnesses in the room if Anya's there, trust me.
Probably a good call there. *opens the front door*
So, um, since we're up & all.....can I have breakfast now?
Get your undersized gray ass up those stairs before I bloody it.
Guess that would be a no.
And don't run. I'm not takin' the heat if you wake anyone else up 'cause you feel this need to sound like a goddamned herd of horses.
Touchy, aren't we?
*opening the door to the bedroom* Shut it. I think you've said enough for this morning, don't you?
*jumps on the bed & circles to make herself comfortable*
What do you think you're doing?
We're going back to bed now, right? I mean, you've got like an hour & a half until you get up for real, right?
No, I'm going back to bed. You're going to the big ass dogbed we got so that you won't sleep on the bed.
Oh, come on.....you're still mad?
Move, bitch.
Fine, fine. *jumps down* Happy now?
Damn skippy. You were on there just long enough to leave a warm spot. Thanks.
Does that mean I get to go on the bed now?
No.

*pause*

So, you still mad at me for waking you up?
Yes. Now shut up.

*pause*
Can I get on the bed now?
No.

*pause*
Can I get on the bed now?
No.

*pause*
Can I get on the bed now?
No.

*pause*
Can I get on the bed now?
*sits up & faces dog* Will you fucking shut up? I swear by all that is holy I'm gonna kill you!

*pause*
Can I get on the bed now?
Shut it, or you're getting another bath this weekend.

*silence*