We're the ones your mother warned your about...No, seriously. We are.

The Contract Agreement....

Thursday June 17th
"Anya, I need a faaaaavor." Whines The Crown Prince

Nice greeting. Everyone should come to work hearing those words. Forget "Good morning, how are you?" Toss aside, "Have a good night? You look great!" Just plunge right into, "Oh thank god you're here... do this!" It's far more meaningful anyway.

The favor was simple, change his flight and book him for a hotel because the 'puter scares him fiercely. Now, ask yourself, do you want this man to be the father (via in-vitro) of your child? I didn't think so either.

"Okay, okay. Gimme a credit card." I sighed finally, conceeding to do this (and knowing it's all of a five minute chore).

"Thank you! I owe you for more than just my son!"

I rolled my eyes.

"Okay, daughter. I don't care which. Equal opportunity."

"You're so funny." I muttered and walked away.

"My people to call your people!" He teased.

I'll kindly refrain for mentioning I don't have people. Though, if he persists, I may need some.

Friday June 18
I'm totally immursed into account numbers and matching things up. I'm focused and typing madly when The Crown Prince arrives. "Hey momma!"

"I'm not a Momma." I retort. "Rachel is going to be one in six-months, your mother is one, my mother is a 'Mom', I am none of those things."

"You're my Momma."

"Trust me, I would have noticed giving birth to a child who is a year older than me. Not something you miss." I retorted.

"Ha. Funny. Don't give that sense of humor to my child."

I glanced sideways, "You're insane."

"Aww, come on. It's perfect. The nursery in the office, and I'll stick it in a kennel at the end of the night... or let Mom and Dad raise it. They did good enough on me."

Debatable. However. "Hell. No. It's a child, not a doll. You can't just hand off your responsibilities."

"What's wrong with my parents?"

Somehow the 'point'? That was missed entirely. "If I have a child then my parents will expect to see it on occasion. Those occasions being at least twice a week, Easter, Christmas and probably Canada Day. No child of mine is being raised by grandparents, wolves, rats, dogs, or owls."

He paused, one finger up and mouth opening when the page sounds summoning him. "Later."

It's nearly time for me to vacate the premises. The Crown Prince hasn't returned yet, and after this morning I'm a leetle concerned that he's serious. I mean, two days of consistent followup? That's so not like our ADHD The Crown Prince.

However, as I contemplate the situation, I'm having a hard-time not considering the possibility:
a) I don't have to commit myself to this male. And, if he can screw around with other guys, so can I. Sweet.
b) I gain 'family' status for a company that thrives on nepotism. Job. Security.
c) Better work hours. I'd be able to stay at home for a long while to mother my child.
d) My son or daughter would get private schooling. And a university education.
e) My mama would loooooooove me. Not that she doesn't already. But, this would be like Christmas, only much MUCH better.
f) The child would have a genetic inclination towards golf and world domination.

Hrm. Downsides are in the male genetic material:
a) Men are squeamish about dating women with children.
b) Jewish noses. Not that there's anything WRONG with them, but...
c) Thinning hair
e) Can't use a computer
f) Stupid enough to think people don't notice that he's gay. Again, not that it's a bad thing, but the pretending to be straight is annoying as all hell.

Ah well. Let's just see what Monday brings. Maybe I should give The Crown Prince animal adoption listings and start him off with something lower maintenance than a baby, like... a golfish or a a kitten. Maybe the goldfish first. Endangering a kitten seems wrong to me.

Because, really, a baby is lifetime committment, not one for a few weeks. I get that. I don't think that The Crown Prince does.

~ Anya
June 18, 2004

~ Anya's Archive