We're the ones your mother warned your about...No, seriously. We are.

Haiku Serial Killers & Why Not to Use the Handle Bigwood - Tales of an Internet Dating Monet.

Right then. So, it's been about a month & a half since I ventured into the quagmire of online dating, and since several people have asked how that's working out for me, I thought I might share. (plus, hey, one less article topic I have to come up with.)

My first "real" response to my listing was...clever. Surprisingly clever, actually. We dubbed this one Haiku Boy because, well, he sent me haikus. No, really. And after having had a day or two of responses which only served to increase the speed with which I could click on the "delete" icon, this one rather delighted me, 'cause really? When was the last time anyone hit on you using haikus?

Hmm, let's see .. something profound, to get your attention ...

The best way to show
That I stand out from the crowd
Is a Haiku poem.

No, that's no good ...

Act within the hour
And I'll also include a
Free sense of humor.

No, no, no, that's no good at all.

A single white male
Dependable, low mileage,
What am I? A car?

Hmm, maybe some dating advice ...

Always be careful
If you laugh at all his jokes
You'll end up in bed.

No, definitely not. Please wait while I slap myself.

Thank you for your patience. Maybe:

I have tried my best.
If you're chuckling or smiling
Feel free to respond.

Okay, so I'll admit they're not the verse of Lord Byronesque romance, but still. Novel approach, and I'm one for rewarding creativity. Now, I wrote back to Haiku Boy, suggesting that we get together for coffee. Literally, that's what I said - "Okay, you got my attention, would you like to meet up." Coffee's safe, right? You have it somewhere public, nice, open space in case you need to run. like. hell.

His reply? None. Haiku Boy disappeared into the ether, never to be heard from again. This actually led Mr. Whyt & I to come up with an interesting theory of what he missed....

MrWhyt : howdy
Claris : hey there.
MrWhyt : whats shakin
Claris : Im still at work
MrWhyt : its 11:00 there!?
Claris : yes
MrWhyt : poor you
Claris : the catalog file for a project that I'm not working on is giving the Snr. Dsgnr. trouble, so I'm here making sure it's collected to be delivered to the printer for 8 am tomorrow morning.
Claris : I'm also, however, on double time.
MrWhyt : that helps to lessent eh sting i guess
Claris : jsut a bit.
MrWhyt : I'm probably gonna wind up staying up all night and clean the house
Claris : That's my thought
MrWhyt : yay!! cleaning buddies!!
MrWhyt : we're pathetic
MrWhyt : at least I am
Claris : heh
Claris : *pet*pet*
MrWhyt : watching the extras on the Two Towers, the part where the story of viggo headbutting everyone
MrWhyt : good stuff
Claris : I loved that.
MrWhyt : I wish I ws in the movie biz
MrWhyt : I'd be the man
MrWhyt : the all singing all naked man
MrWhyt : watch me dance
MrWhyt : viggo is dreamy
Claris : riiiight. and I thought I needed a date.
MrWhyt : I'm jsut sayin
MrWhyt : I can appreciate the beauty of the male form without it being sexual in nature
Claris : There you go...
MrWhyt : speaking of dating made contact with haiku guy yet?
Claris : he never wrote back. *shrug* my free verse obvioulsly wasn't as interesting
MrWhyt : poor boy, will never know what hes missing
Claris : indeed
MrWhyt : perhaps he found a haiku lady and togethe rthey will have little haiku children
Claris : there you go
MrWhyt : its the circle of life
Claris : and one day, I'll walk up to him & say, "Pity. If you'd talked to me you children could have expanded beyond seven syllables...."
MrWhyt : poor family cursed to sych a rigid constrained existence
Claris : see? there's such a thing as too many boundaries. Children need to be able to EXPLORE their options.
Claris : they'll be all traumatized & serial killer, I'm tellin' ya. Twenty years from now, we'll hear about the Haiku Slaughters
MrWhyt : true true, had haiku boy gone with you the children could have grown up to be other less rigid forms of poetry that I'm not educated enough to know about
MrWhyt : and also their victims will be grouped 5,7,5
Claris : *laughter* three children, they'll work in tandem, & that will be their pattern of group kills.
Claris : see, now if he'd just ANSWERED me, he wouldn't have met the haiku woman, & I could have taught those children about things like iambic pentameter.
MrWhyt : and then we'dl have solliquay (or however you want to spell that, curse you shakespear currrse yoooou!!!) pattern killers
Claris : yes, but that will make for a far more interesting made for TV movie. we might be able to get Ken Branaugh to do it, depending on how far in they go.

And soliloquy. I think.
Claris : cool, I was right.
n 1: speech you make to yourself [syn: monologue] 2: a (usually long) dramatic speech intended to give the illusion of unspoken reflections
thank you dictionary.com
MrWhyt : good thinking, the movies could be a tiny fortune, and then there's the tell all insider book as well
Claris : indeed. and as the mommy of the soliloquy killers, I'd get 20/20 at least, dude. barbara wa-wa.
Silly haiku boy didn' tknow what he was missing, I tell ya
MrWhyt : his and the wrolds loss
Claris : indeed.

To the DatingMobile - Awaaaaayyyy...