We're the ones your mother warned your about...No, seriously. We are.








See, the thing to remember is that it's not soft porn - it's "Merchandising"

Then, later on, as I actually stopped and went through the site, I had Godeater and PDR right there to help me...*
*Note : the links here are to screen shots that I took of the site instead of the actual pages, simply because it is a commerce site, & by the next quarter, none of the links would work anyway - if you really want the direct links...why do you want the direct links again, ya big perv?

Claris: I showed PDR the site for Abercrombie&Fitch the other day to reference something, and HOLY SHIT. It's just soft porn now, I tell you.
Godeater: Really?
Godeater: Um...link?
Claris: www.ambercrombieandfitch.com
Wait through the guy until you get to the pic of the girl
Claris: Hold on, I must've spelled it wrong
Claris: www.abercrombieandfitch.com
Godeater: Um...do they even sell clothes anymore?
Claris: That's what we were discussing. I was thinking about taking the AIM that PDR & I had about it & doing my piece for TMB.com on it.
Godeater: Ya should. Cuz really...that's odd. I know stores think they need models to sell clothes, even tho the people that buy their clothes look almost nothing like the models, but...how about actually SHOWING the clothes on the models?
Claris: At the A&F next to where I work, they pay models to stand outside in their underwear, or play football in boxers. (The guys, not the girls.)
Godeater: They only pay guys to stand outside in their underwear? That's sexisim! Not to mention really unfair to people not interested in guys in their underwear!!
Claris: well, they pay girls too. the girls just don't play football. now THAT'S sexist. not that I would WANT to play football in my underwear, but Title 9 gives me the right to have the opportunity to, dammit!
Godeater: Say it loud, sister! Preach on, preach on!!
Claris: *laughter* I went through their source code & got around the frames for thier navigation. that makes citing certain pages much easier in the article....
Godeater: Ooooh....you're bad!!!
Claris: I am. I'm a little hacker. Angelina Jolie's got nuffin' on me, baby
Claris: I think this guys' just intellectually nekkid.
THAT's what sets him apart, dammit
Godeater: *raised eyebrow* I'm sorry, while I'll not speak of her hacking skills, sweet movie it may have been, I'll back Ms. Jolie to the end of the earth and into hell if I have to. Because, dammit, she deserves the backing. I believe that, deep, deep in the bowels of my bowels. *nod*
Godeater: That, and he has that nead division between his legs and his torso. Like a Ken doll!
Claris: *snicker*
Claris: This is the link to movies. Obviously, they're advertising the free porn movie that gets shown once a month at Robyn's college
Godeater: LOL
Claris: Oh my god. it's not like, movies in the theatre. It's just footage of the models themselves. They made actual half naked people footage....
Godeater: What, like half naked people just standing around posing?
Claris: i guess so.
Claris: FOr isntance, how does THIS sell skirts?
Godeater: That's just...weird. And kinda disturbing. Like those Alien Autopsy things they had on Fox.
I dunno...but I'd like to see her in a skirt. Or out of a skirt. Nice smile...
Claris: *laughter*
Claris: PDR is DLing the movies. for research purposes, of course.
Godeater: What, like right now? And PDR is a pervy. *nod* I've seen the evidence!!
Claris: ooh, I found what the intellectual boy is there to sell - backpacks.
Claris: Holy fuck - I just clicked on teh quarterly. No WONDER it's classified as "adult material"
Godeater: Um...wouldn't the pack chafe with him shirtless and all?
Claris: I shoudl think so.
Godeater: *sigh* Those ads make no sense.
Claris: I know. that's why I thought it might make a fun article
Godeater: It will. I look foward to reading it.
Claris: Good, 'cause I'm sure part of this AIM will be in it. *grin*
Claris: here, try this one. Ask questions of people with no clothes!
Claris: Look! SOmeone with clothes!
(But I thinks she's under 18, which might explain it.)
Claris: Okay, so I think I got it - the CELEBRITIES wear clothes. Everyone else is naked.
I'm catching on here.
Godeater: Perhaps the reason people don't write the A&F guy about clothes, is because the website barely HAS any clothes, at least in it's ads and models! Sweet Chirst!
She's [Amanda Bines] not even old enough to buy the magazine she's in? That's...very, deeply, madly wrong.
Well, average looking celebrites at least. For some reason, I don't think if that pic were of say...I dunno...Tom Cruise, he'd at least have his shirt unbuttoned.
Claris: it so is. ANd yes. Theyhad a kids A&F on the 2nd floor of the one near me, & when they closed the kids' floor & made it the clearance section for the adult dept., they had to let everyone in the store under the age of 18 go b/c the quarterly on the adult floor is considered adult material
Godeater: Well, seeing the ads, you can see why! Jesus christ!
Claris: Okay, so the online quarterly has NO CLOTHING. Only celeb articles.
Godeater: *shakes head* It's...all very confusing. I thought they sold clothes. Do they sell on their own? So well in fact, that they can spend their ad money on ads that don't show their clothes?
Claris: I guess so. I'm puzzled. I mean, Snap spent 11 mil to have Madonna & Missy Elliot advertise for them, but they, ya know, wear the clothes in the ads.....
Godeater: This is true, even if they would never wear them on camera elsewhere.
Claris: Don't get me started onthat.
Claris: here - make a threesome comment.
Godeater: Me either. I mean, there are probably plenty of celebrites that actually wear Snap clothing. Madonna and Missy Elliot are NOT those kinds of celebrities.
Claris: they really aren't. Jenifer Gardner would have been a better choice. and she actually DID a Snap commercial a while back.
Godeater: And, you know, way hotter then Madonna.:-)
Godeater: And wow, the Threesom pics actually have people wearing clothes. True, they're not colour, but they...progress none the same.
Claris: *grin*
Nothin' pulls it all together like a man with a big red clown nose...'cause you know what they say about a guy wearing a barrel....
Godeater: That's like...the most frightening picture I've seen in 2 weeks.
Claris: what did you see 2 weeks ago?
Godeater: Someone showed me a picture of a cat runover by a truck.
Claris: Oh god.
Claris: you have odd friends. And I say this fully aware that I am one of your friends
Claris: now, if the celebs they interviewed were wearing A&F clothes, I could seethat. But really - they're not!
Claris: And I hope they paid this girl a lot of money to put her finger in that socket.
(Yes, make the joke. I know you wanna)
Godeater: I do. And yes, you are.
Exactly.
Claris: *sigh* I should go to sleep. I have to get up & go to work at one of A&F's competitors bright & early, after all.
Godeater: Kick their porn lovin' ASS!!!
Claris: *laugther* I don't know if I can do that, since i work in the lingerie section tomorrow. I'll be reaching around women to measure their breasts all day. *g*
Godeater: I want your job.
Claris: okay then. now that we've been over golf, my underwear, A&F's soft core animal porn, and various other developments, I should sleep. and shouldn't your booty arrive....ever?
Godeater: In about 45 minutes, actually.
Claris: You should go shower. FOr her sake & yours
Claris: ttyl?
Godeater: I plan to. Just watching the end of Summer of Sam.
Godeater: What does ttyl mean?
Godeater: Wait!
Godeater: Talk To You Later!!
Godeater: *g* I'm down with the net lingo, yo!
Claris: There you go..
Claris: after this, we'll teach you ttfn
Claris: *hint* it's a Tigger reference.
Godeater: *raised eyebrow* Intrigued and frightened, is an apt discription of what I feel about that.
Claris' away msg: I'm sleeping. Or trying to after wandering through the soft core animal porn that is the abercrombie & fitch website. It's possible I'm scarred for life....think I can sue?
Claris: Heh. I'm frightening godeater. my powers are now at thier pinnacle
PDR: Woah.
PDR: How the hell?
Claris: Wanna see what else I did since you were off doing...what were you doing again?
PDR: Sleeping! (Got that whole different part of the planet thing going on over here)
PDR: Sure - what you been up to?
Claris: Thanks. I'm wandering through the A&F site for the article. Check this :
PDR: It's totally more porn dude.
PDR: Of course, for purely reasons of curiousity, I'm downloading the movie.
PDR: Albeit 'slowly'.
Claris: *snicker* Take screenshots. I'm on a dial up & refuse to.
PDR: It's distressingly slow.
PDR: And... From the first second I've seen? Really kinda crap. You're not missing anything.
Claris: My hear tbreaks.
Claris: I'm almost tempted to walk in there tomorrow after work just to look at the place & see if they have the employees wearing clothes.
PDR: This movie file has *crashed all the browser windows on my PC*...
Go A&F! Your shitty arthouse porn crashes computers! Your advertising genius knows no limits! I really want to buy from you now!
Claris: since you're in the UK, where A&F has no stores, I'm sure your boycott has the stockholders worried
PDR: It's a principle thing.
Claris: Of course. *serious nod*
PDR: Okay - into that link now. Wow. That's all about sex, isn't it/
PDR: ?
Claris: The quarterly? yeah, would seem so
PDR: I guess sex never hurt anyone's marketing figures.
PDR: A&F do seem to have put it front and centre though.
PDR: How's the article going btw?
Claris: not to mention right, left, and slightly below.
PDR: Also? This thing is shit. Did you click to go forward and see their Q&A page? It's shit.
PDR: And when I say shit, I mean *shit*.
Claris: I know. I just started hacking the links - just make afquarterly2.html into afquarterly3.html, & you can see the next page
PDR: Heh -
PDR: That'd be my browser crashed again.
Claris: wow A&F doesn't want your busines.
PDR: Seriously. They've got an anti-brit filter going on somewhere.
PDR: Okay - got it working now.
PDR: Obviously got it conned I'm American.
Claris: *laughter*
Claris: ooh! I found it! YOu click on the WRITING, not the right side of the picture
PDR: Yeah - I got that - but that makes a new window pop up for me - which then crashes everything.
Claris: then it's just you being a freak. *g*
PDR: So it appears.
PDR: So how is the article going? Got anything written yet?
Claris: still gathering. Okay, so the online quarterly has NO CLOTHING. Only celeb articles.
PDR: So it appears.
Claris: Why do I want it again?
PDR: Because A&F is about a lifestyle choice, not quality clothing.
Claris: a naked lifestyle choice? Dude, there's a nudist colony in NH that I could do that in for WAY cheaper.
PDR: But do they have articles...?
Claris: no, but I write articles on my own, so I could just pretend that I don't have cable & make my own fun
PDR: Oh oh oh - wow - see a handsome A&F wearing guy abuse animals.
Claris: oh my god. You know, I got offered a job working on a magazine that did animal porn once. I turned it down before I even heard the co. name. Maybe it was for A&F....
PDR: Ahahaha!
PDR: more animal porn. Although this time Mr. Ed just likes to *watch*.
Claris: oh god. I'm not up to that one yet.
PDR: Well, I'm going to need to get on and go to work, alas. I'll leave you to your perusal of the A&F animal porn issue.
Claris: Thanks. I should go to bed, but now I'm scared of the animal porn nightmares
PDR: Dude, I understand.
PDR: Also? If you decide to refer to the issue as the Animal Porn mag - then perhaps check out one of our friendly neighbourhood lawyers is around to defend you... ;-)
Claris: *laughter* I shall refrain

The conclusion? Well, there really isn't one, other than to ::boggle:: at the fact that obviously there needs to be an infusion of clever into the A&F promotions dept. if all they can offer for advertising is blatant naked people. 'cause, really? This is the 21st century, and we don't have to pay to get that.

We've got the internet.

~ Claris, PDR & Godeater
October 15, 2003
~ Claris' Archives
claris@nodignity.com