|We're the ones your mother warned your about...No, seriously. We are.|
I am a presence in the night, a silent shadow that moves amongst you, folding clothing in large retail stores when you turn your back and creating magical jumping pills in Flash for nutritional supplements. A member of a fellowship formerly known as The Bronze, I have survived flame wars, strife, three years without sleep, and various moments of inadvertent porn to get a degree. After these trials and tribulations, my circle of kindred has been whittled to a small but hearty band of trusty companions, bonded together by naught but an obsession with pop culture and in some cases, sparkly boy lurvin'. (*sigh* That one kinda scares me.) In my continuing quest for a some semblance of a life, I am joined by my faithful four-legged companion, Zoey, whose undying devotion to me may or may not have caused her to once inadvertently launch herself off Anya's head one morning. *cough* Mine is a noble cause - to make sure that everyone has to live up to the fact that life is, in essence, so freakin' weird that if you don't sit back and laugh at it, you're not doing it right. It is in pursuit of this that I have recruited Sam & Robyn as my minions and begun this site to bring to you, our reader, the sweet, sweet madness that is our world.
I am.......the girl that just opened up a pack of Starburst to find three strawberry ones in a row! Woo!
Why Michael Moore made voting worth $1700 for me.
We Can Detain You, You Know.
How answering the wrong craigslist ad had Claris auditioning for a record label.
I swear, this is a completely logical path of events. Totally.
IKEA is insidiously bent on world domination through furniture.
Those deceptively friendly Swedes forced their way into my house...
Notes from a bi-coastal gym rat.
I did it! And I did not die! This is progress!
(tips tricks for general gym survival)
Hi, I work here for a reason.
the Ins, Outs, & What Abouts...
I moved across the country, & the video reel at the gym is still the same.
Welcome to The Grove, now shut up.
I'm not just a disgruntled patron, I'm a reporter!
If I can put my photo up, so can you, Quasimodo.
What? You guys asked how it was going...
No, shut up, I can totally do this.
It's part & parcel, the whole Claris gig...
The second ramble from that plane ride.
The things that come to mind a couple thousand feet over Vermont...
Liz Phair & Evanesence help Claris pass the time...
This article brought to you by paranoia over airport security...
~ Zoey and Claris
98 cents at Target + camera + Claris' twisted brain = Zoey's day from Hell.
Why, Mommy, why?
Life is a funny thing.
No, for real!
~ Claris, PDR & Godeater
Has anyone else seen Abercrombie & Fitch lately?
Uh... You didn't happen to direct me to a porn site, didja?
Why did I move cross country?
Why the hell not?
John Mayer's got a new CD.
What happens when the loner becomes a rock star?
Shove your bumper sticker up your ass.
I don't need you to tell me what not to forget.
~ Claris' 100 list....
The Mission : 100 things about you.
It's like peeking in the window, without being arrested.....
Claris experiments with cooking..
Maybe I should go back to the "will reward man who can cook with sexual favors" plan....
Claris drives cross country with nothing but her thoughts to keep her company..
To my credit - every state I drove through is still there.. more or less.
~ Claris & Sam
Domino's Pizza, how to crash your mom's car, and Buffy vs. Batman. Oh yeah - He's got a new book too..
Little Golden Books.....
(a.k.a. Why Fox Sucks Ass) - updated..
Poor, poor little network....
No, that's not the punchline. That's the actual story..
All right! Who got the Snake drunk & dressed him in purple underwear?
You had to be there to get it. But I can give you my take..
Have you licked Buddha's belly?
I was having a rather bad day at work, you see.......
Fall into it...
The Wild West - Hollywood style. Welcome to the world of corsets, naked scenes, and SAG cards during my three days on the set of Deadwood.
People, this ain't the first time we've had a Sacrificial Jesse, okay? But most importantly - It's. Not. Real.
(Plus, I think those banners were giving Glark a nervous breakdown)
Buffy's mom died. It kicked ass. Therefore, I went to work & waxed poetic.