Our sad little lives, your comic relief.


I love when they tell me my gums are bleeding because I don't brush/floss well enough. No honey, my gums are bleeding because you are sticking a metal pick in them! It's called stabbing! It's a felony!
- Little Sister

She's not a smart friend.
- Ogre

"goaled", you use this word, but I do not think it means what you think it means or I am unsure it means what I think it means in the way you used it.
- Bastion Ridley
I think that last post just broke my brain.
- Closet Buffyholic

I am such a bitch today.
- Claris

He called JUST to tell me he would call. Okay...do men do that?
- Mia

That was about the time I worked out that I'd taken a wrong path somewhere and was wandering around the private gounds of some multi national conglomerate, so I ran away.
- TMorel

I left to switch my laundry around, & she just went wacky, I tell you...
Anya: I stood up, turned around, looked at the bed and nearly fell on it... then I forced myself backwards into the chair.
Anya: No doubt about it... 9pm, dog goes for walk. 9:30pm, Anya goes to bed.
Anya: First, however, I have to go host a strip-tease on the street. I'm the finale.
Anya: Afterwards, it's an open orgy.
Anya: I'm dressing up as a clown. Big fat, red-nosed clown.
Anya: *sigh*

The following weekend is my Annual Birthday Poker Party, where people are required to come and lose money to me. You all can just send me money and save yourselves the trip.
- Cosmic Bob

RTBS takes Paksenarrion's fifth. Looking at it, sitting there all sweet and innocent, he slowly pulls out a large ceremonial knife. "Accept this sacrifice, oh Lord's of Darkness. Bring desolation and fear to mine enemies. And let me win the Powerball tonight. Amen."

Claris: And for those of you just tuning in, this the part of the day where we are mercilessly bitchy.
OzLady: Tune in tomorrow when we flay and salt a virgin.

Just an FYI, never call your attorney and start the conversation with "I think you're going to hate me..." This goes along with not saying "I sent that letter you sent me along to x,y,z person..was that bad?" and "I already did (insert unwise and/or illegal act here)...that was okay, right?"
This has been a public service announcement on behalf of How to Avoid Giving Your Lawyer A Heart Attack, In Three Easy Steps
You're welcome.

- Closet Buffyholic

Sorry about that, Campers. I know you like your swears like you like your men. Nekkid, and well-spelled.
- Xanderella

Well, I don't know that it's explosive porn. I think that's a niche market.
- Vanessa

PDR Now your post just looks daft.
- Amish Boy

Nothing new there then.

And today is the day I get rid of my really long to do list.
- Vanessa

I recommend burning it. That'll gid rid of it!
- Closet Buffyholic

Watch me. I'll say no faster than Dick Cheney can blow a stent.
- moppety

I got a match.com wink from a guy who was rather scarily dorky. Like beyond what we hang out with. My blurb is like, a dork magnet or something. Not that Iım not getting rather normal hits too, but still ­ high pocket protector ratio. I think I might have to change my profile to be less geek-friendly, Œcause I donıt need guys in Klingon suits hitting on me....
- Claris

So, now with email, LJ, and AIM, MSN allows me to be surly and ignore people in a whole new arena!
Isn't that fan-fucking-tastic?? Huh! Ho-YEAH!

- Godeater

The aliens must be doing a fantastic job of erasing my memory.
- Vanessa

I have whored myself to the independent school system and I feel dirty.
- Lovely Poet

Yippee... I broke my dog's mind. It only took three weeks.
- Anya

So Claris and Anya are both occupied for the next couple of days. The two greatest forces for evil the world has ever seen are out of commission. Hmm. So many possibilities... the lower beings could run amuck amuck amuck!
- DarkLady

I just had to forcibly stop myself from typing "Clarisification" in a posting for my students. Need 12 Step Program for Bronzer Lingo Addicts.
- DarkLady

Claris: go! Play! Rule the playground WITH AN IRON FIST!
(then come back & tell me all about it)
OzLady: Or kick sand in their faces and run away
Claris: whichever works.

I have been told I must avoid sharks while I am in Hawaii. I plan neither to do a seal imitation nor to attempt surfing, so I think I am okay. In addition, as miss adri noted, I am a lawyer, so sharks naturally will give me professional courtesy.
- Closet Buffyholic

p.s. The Nick & Jessica Variety Hour is so bad I want to puncture my eardrums with a splinter-heavy chopstick.
- Divaliving

In other news, I'm a dumbass.
Back to you, Claris... ;-)

- Ozlady

So if you guys could lend me a spine for the rest of the day, that would be great, thanks.
- Amberlynne

If this post annoys you, default is not mine.
BAHahahahaha. I kill me.

- DreamLurker

I probably need a few days of therapy after all I just saw.
- 'stina

Joel Schumacher's Batman movies were so bad that I regularly contemplate hiring a voodoo priestess to afflict him with a plague of some sort. ...This has all the makings of the perfect Batman movie. Now my hopes are up. I swear to God, if this thing sucks, I may snap and begin vigilante style beatings of Hollywood executives.
- Sam

I need to get through the day without killing anyone. Because if I kill someone, I will be taken to lock-up, and I will be unable to attend this evenings festivities.
That's how close to the line I am. I'm not killing anyone SO I WON'T MISS A PARTY.

- Chrissy

Claris: Okay, I'm gonna go pretend to work some more...
Anya: Okay, well if your boss comes by, you know who to call - ta!

I can't believe that no one gave me a heads-up that JC is on Britney's E! TV special. [ETA: TWICE!]

- Kristen(,The)

I am very disappointed that the comment about the church preferring buggery to masturbation didn't make it onto the quotes page. I thought I had it nailed!
Um...so to speak.

- DreamLurker

that's the Viggo that would most match my lifestyle. And my wanton libido. No, really I do have one. I just don't get to use it as much anymore.
- angelgazer

But that's the way life goes, I suppose. You can't have everything you want, because where would you put it all?
- Closet Buffyholic

On of my sisters, commenting on Alias this week, said "You'd think the CIA would spring for those cell phones that take pictures." *snerk*
- DarkLady & DarkLady's sister

Just saw Tru Calling man was that a great dress that Eliza was wearing. My theory is that the lower the ratings are the lower her neckline is going to be. Here's hoping the show really tanks.
- Amish Boy

I wonder if people like this gather elsewhere and decide to all go to board name deleted around the same time or what? There are a couple other posts that made me want to *thunk* like this one did.
- AdriLilith

Adri you know what they say: birds of a feather, shit at the same place.
- Mr. Whyt

Point is, time. Lots of it. Other things to freak out about that are far closer. (That sounded more comforting in my head...)
- DarkLady

Just how does one family end up involved in so much unintentional 'net porn?
- Chrissy

She's a great drunk person for the internet
- Claris

Wait... is there something really cool in that photo that's being obscured by < a href="http://www.sparklies.org/gallery/details.php?image_id=2283" target="new">the dumb van?
- Robyn TSH

The Catholic Church is not anti-broccoli. They are anti-just-about-everything-else, but not broccoli.
Yet more proof that religion makes no sense.
- DreamLurker

The potholes on the highways are trying to eat the cars. In some cases-they're succeeding.
- Little Sister

all that...
and my phone didn't ring.
I am astonished. ;p~

- Claris
If you are casting aspersions on my decision-making ability by saying I have to run everything through you, I must say HEY! Not true! sometimes I ask willa.
- Closet Buffyholic

Manweeks! I just want to say that in a low and funny voice. Look at my Manweeks. My Manweeks are full of the fruits of my labor! Yes, I am easily amused.
- DreamLurker

Ozlady: I'm having porn text messaging. Is that entertaining? And it's about fractions.
Claris: ooh math porn. How's that workin' out for ya?
Ozlady: Kinda good, actually! *eg*
Claris: neeeat. I've never tried math porn.
*snicker* I hate to think of what you would employ to help study for calculus
Ozlady: I never took calculus. I'd have to start from the bottom. *snerk*

Am now wondering if my cell phone is also automatically logging me on to IM. Dammit. Now I think the machines are after me. Shall now have to hide in a closet, perhaps with an aluminum foil hat on my head.
- SarahNicole

(I have authorial access to his backend. Not in a kinky way, alas)
- Chrissy

Am I going to hell for laughing at that?
- Little Sister

Today has been brought to you by the word "Whine" and the phrase, "What the hell are you looking at, dumbass?" :-D
- Ozlady

Claris: Do you realize that at my disposal right now are the ENTIRE line of Mac products for the last ten years? in my office is everything from a PowerMac upgraded to a G3, to a G3, there's a G4, & a G5? That's like, the WHOLE spectrum because my co is cheap & just upgraded instead of buying new hardware.
Ya know, I just read that paragraph, and wow. I'm like, the biggest geek ever.
moppety: close, my dear... very close

Have a day everyone. I'm going home to try out my $399 vacuum. This thing better suck.

DarkLady: and after you've been naked with people? no reason to try and pretend barriers still exist
Claris: well I say that, but you people & your RESTICTIONS about being "accessories after the fact"....

Check me out! I'm farming and shit!
- Megdalen

Post hoc ergo propter hoc?
who says you can't learn anything from TV. Thank you TWW
edit:shame it didn't teach me how to spell

- nails

MacGyver just got attacked by Big Foot.
I wonder what those writers are doing now.

- Sachiel

I also mopped the floor of the porch and now I just need to put it back together.
The cats are confused.

- KitCat

Claris : I popped another one of my boss' proposals like a bad baloon, & he doesn't even know it yet. *grin*
DarkLady : so, broke a Jew, busted the boss, a good day then?
Claris : indeed.

She just... I mean... needs to stop... WASTING VALUABLE AIR!!!!!!!!!
Kindhearted, useful, wonderful, contribut-y people are dead, yet SHE continues to walk this earth. It's not FAIR.

- moppety
Four words.

- JenniferLynn

I am a serious creature of habit, and the smallest thing can upset my whole Karma. Daylight Savings is like my Karma rolling over those spikes the CHP throws in the road to stop speeding cars, crashing into a ditch, and catching fire. But I do like the extra hour of sunlight.
- CB Bro

My toe hurts. A lot.
It seems that, at the least, I have ripped off all of the important skin.

- Tralf

OzLady: YOu should go. home. ;-)
Claris: I will, as soon as I burn this CD so I have the project archived & I can put it into my portfolio site. *evyl grin*
OzLady: Ahhhh! Well, if it's for personal gain, then... ;-)
Claris: eaxaaactly
Claris: Plus, I'm on double time now, actually
OzLady: OH!
OzLady: Woooooooork
OzLady: sloooooooooooooow
OzLady: leeeeeeeeee

Wow you people have guttery minds (and why was Claris the first name that came to mind at the mention of gutter)
- TMorel

This place confuses me a bit more every time I stop by here.
- Seska

I'm trying for the brighter side right now. not to worry, I'm sure the maudlin will return shortly.
- Claris

Is it Friday yet? Friday is good! Or Good Friday... which is a stat holiday and did I mention the good part? Others may find faith, I'll just find my bed.
- Anya

I'm not religious myself, but I have a strong faith in stat holidays religions provide. :)
- mindrobber

i forgot that i have family bonding to do. which is a lot like bondage, but more pain and less fun!
- eiddy

In other news, my patience is as thin as Calista Flockhart
- JenniferLynn

ND and I share many things: a birthday, a wicked sense of humor and a deep and abiding non-prison-movie love of YOU! *smoocha*
- Ozlady

March 15, 2004