Our sad little lives, your comic relief.


Oh, come on - I can't be the only one here who isn't bitter and who isn't evil.
- Little Willow

So, in other words, if my sisters chance to read this - instant brood awaits you, just add sperm! :)
- Bastion Ridley

If I weren't so full of myself for making the quote list, I just might throw fit perfect fit about this!
- Cate

figured I'd continue Jipsy's streak...
ooh! I made the quotes page! Should I be worried that once again it was about Michael Vartan? Naked? Probably not
- Jipsy Girl

Okey Dokey matey blokey, all gloves are now so far off they're whirling about in space somewhere.
If you get reports of a fat goth being savagely mocked then beaten to within an inch of his lifein Norwich with a cricket bat with 'Vampire: The masquerade is shit' written on it.
Cover for me.

- clarrie

Yes. I do realize that "this is a show for the lifeless" comment is the height of irony, when it comes from the woman who just said she was following along at home. But I never claimed to have a life, did I?
- Xanderella

Sign me up for the CRACK! :)
And yes, I know you're going to quote that.

- Golden

the world is not ready for the unedited version o'me.
- DarkLady

ooh and I got an e-mail from my tutor about bits of my dissertation that I sent in. The e-mail was good although one part said "The last two sentences don't make sense". So I checked, and you know what? He was right! I might do something about it or I might not. I can see if the external markers smoke pot.
- Jipsy Girl

You've all gone demented. Just so's you know.
- Catriona

clarrie Yes, you are indeed a nice person. You tell anyone off this thread that I said that, you die horribly.
- Seska

- CBBro

I fully expect to have dreams tonight where I get to heaven and there's God quoting passages from Genesis 1 at me in a booming voice and sending me down to hell where giant craneflies eat me alive or, you know, dead for all eternity.
I'm not really very good at this responsible adult thing just yet.

- Seska

Tell him you need to learn asp asap.
I kill me.

- CB Bro
whatever saves us having to do it.
- Closet B

Do you ever get the feeling that maybe the Police Academy movies were documentaries?
- Ogre

Godeater : Hey, smart cute girls....what a novel concept.
Claris: indeed.
Claris : We're out there! We really are!
Godeater : well your all avoiding me apparently, then.
Claris : I live in LA. It's a bit of a hurdle.
Godeater : Bah! You kow how many times I've heard that excuse, just today?
Godeater : 1!

have you seen the size of his head in relation to his body?
He is a living headknocker toy!

- kenickie

Dude. I think I broke Karen & Queenie with the David Anders post.
- Claris
Nah. If I haven't broken them by now, nothing will.
- Anya

But, while I was sitting in traffic behind the same car for epochs, I noticed that the hatchback part was stuffed full of boxes, all with the address label and shipping instructions "Cole Taylor Bank." First I thought, what the heck kind of a bank name is Cole Taylor? It sounds like a shoe store. Then I thought, what the heck is this guy doing with all of the Cole Taylor Bank's boxes? Then I thought, it looks like a residential address, though, so maybe his name is Cole Taylor Bank. And then I thought, if he had a bank, it would be called the Cole Taylor Bank Bank. It was at this point that I realized that I am easily amused.
- Closet B

...and then I'll be mounting all freakin' weekend.
- Claris
Should be in the next quote update, its nice and guttery which is soooooooo unlike you.
- Mr. Whyt

if I haven't dropped ten thousand tags in this post, I'll be surprised.
- Closet B

its all cool, fool (thats an ok, its how all the happening people talk, when they're not talking like pirates that is)
- Mr. Whyt

Sheeesh. It's not like I'm advocating leaving pets behind in hurricanes or shooting rare animals.
- Xanderella
So is that pet hating, condor egg eating Xanderella around today?
- Amish Boy
Amish Boy -- I think she's busy leaving her kids on the top of cars.
- Narrator
Narrator - Well, as long as she's got them firmly strapped down to the roof rack there shouldn't be a problem.
- Sarah

For once, dear readers, I have absolutely NOTHING to rant about. Enjoy that experience, it'll fade soon enough I'm sure.
- Anya

Pickin' on you at the camp, they are. Smack them down you must. :)
- Closet B

Looks like I wasn't funny enough last month. Didn't get one entry in the quotes list. Well fuck you, fuck you all, see if I care.
And yes the above was a thinly veiled attempt to get quoted by using gratuitous swearing.
And why yes, the above was a thinly veiled attempt to get quoted by being cool enough to admit that the top was a thinly veiled attempt to get quoted.
And yes the above is yet a further attempt to get quoted by being vaguely amusing.
And I think we can all see where this is going and I think we all want it to stop now.

- Amish Boy

Sure, I'm paranoid, but in a perfectly reasonable way.
- DreamLurker

Shopping at any time does not frighten me. I am my mother's child, trained in the warzone gutters of shopping malls, stores and retail outtings. I can shop for ours in 3" heels. I am a Queen of the Shoppers, an Empress in Commercial Enterprises.
Hear me retailers, for I am woman!

- Anya

See now you're just trying to get me in trouble. However I hold an ace card ...
I know the secret of the ninja smilie.

- Amish Boy
Amish Boy To someone with the images turned off in their posts, it just looks like you've got the secret of the IMG tag.
- Nails

That Bill Maher quote is either the funniest mean quote, or the meanest funny quote, I've heard since... well, since I looked at Claris's quote page (sorry Amish Boy, maybe next time).
- Kansas

So this is how normal people feel in the AM!
- Chrissy

Oh, just say something about a chimp's cock again, and you'll be a shoo-in.
- Kansas

Driving people nuts is rather fun. It makes up for those times that they make me homicidal.
- Anya

Ogre: I'm pretty certain that the posion resistant mutant rats that "frequently attack people" do not exist.
- Tamerlane
You know, as odd things to read first thing in the morning go--that has some kick.
- Xanderella

See that? BITTER! And not sorry about it either.
- Newfan
I'm bitter that almost every girl in my entire year's gone BLOODY MAD about this STUPID FORMAL.

- Catriona

There is a good deal of egotism in thinking that people are still talking shit about you long after you ceased to be interesting.
- KitCat

Do we HAVE to boycot ForbiddenPlanet? They have really slutty shop assistants there and I was just starting to recognise who was who just by what thong was being shoved in my face.
- TMorel

But i have enough problems without my self-righteous venom undoing years of expensive therapy.
- Clarrie

However, no matter how bad I feel, I can take comfort in the fact that I will never be as stupid as Jessica Simpson. She has in fact topped her stupidity in not knowing why tuna is called "the chicken of the sea" and the fact that it is called that doesn't mean it is in fact chicken, by confessing she thought buffalo wings were from actual buffalo.
Yes, I fear for our nation's youth.

- Closet B

I am like a walking oddball entertainment plague.
- Sam

Anya is a small, bit of a girl. I have no doubt she's fiesty as all get out, but keeping up with me in drinking takes...training. And more then one liver.
- Godeater

Boo! To appointments for life. If I don't get job security, neither should they!
- Leather Jacket

Well, I had a feeling it was going to be an odd day when I saw Superman standing at valet parking.
- Claris

Who am I? Why am I here? If I murder my clients, will I still be able to collect my fee? Why is it that hot dogs come eight to a pack but hot dog buns come six to a pack? Why does "inflammable" and "flammable" mean the same thing?
If I beat my head upon my desk, will the echo sound like the thrum of the increased blood pressure in my head?

- Closet B

This is a bitch session, so everyone take two steps back for your own protection.
- Cate

Thank you. I apprecate being corrected on my spelling. Specially after 8 cans of Guinness and 4 shots of Jameson.
- godeater

Researchers have at last supported my opinion that goldfish do not have a 3-second memory, as previosly believed, but have the mental capacity of a small mammal and a memory of at least 3 months, if not longer. On the basis of this research, I am sending all mine out to find work to supplement my meagre income
- MedusA

I liked that Sark laughed at Syd. He's just the best. morally ambiguous. spy. ever! If he were a D&D character, he'd be chaotic neutral. Possibly a chaotic neutral elven acrobat-thief.
I just upped my nerd quotient, there, didn't I?

- Closet B

If a waiter comes up to you and asks "isn't it everything you would want a Chocolate Eruption to be?" it's probably a good idea to go ahead and say yes, instead of blushing, pausing, and saying "well, under these particular circumstances, I couldn't ask for anything better.
- 'stina

So no miming or horse erotica . What are we supposed to do to pass the time ?
- gin soaked boy

So in one of those tree-in-a-forest type questions, if I get drunk when I'm nowhere near a computer, does it still count?
- nails

my California friends, today's the day. Do it the Chicago way: Vote early and often, and possibly in the name of people who are actually dead!
- Closet B
I am looking forward to becoming a part of the right wing conspiracy. Or is that the power grab? I forget what the current buzz words are.
- CB Bro
currently, I believe it is "malcontented populace."
- Closet B

There are times I feel like I should just go smash Tokyo, I tell you.
- Claris

At no time did I predict that today would be better -- I merely demanded that it be so. If it's not better than yesterday, then I say we take it out back and shoot it.
- Narrator
Narrator Don't you worry, this day will be the first against the wall when the revolution comes.
- Closet B
I'm cautiously optimistic about today. However, I think more than anything else, that just suggests that I'm an idiot
- Chrissy

Look! I'm in e-mail! You can't control me! lala alalalalalalaaaaa!
I might use this wacky e-mail to break barriers! 'cause I'm a rule breaker! A risk taker! A wild one! Whee! Drugs! Sex! Voting Democrat for the next presidential campaign! ooh, I'm goin' to hell, but Anya & I have neighboring condos, so it's all good!

- Claris
You guys have neighboring condos in Hell? Is that in the Eternal Damnation neighborhood or the I'm-Here-Because-Heaven-Won't-Take-Me neighborhood?
- Amaranth
we're actually on the city line - the north half of our places are in Eternal Damnation, the southern half in I'm-Here-Because-Heaven-Won't-Take-Me - our mailboxes, however, are in Please-Stay-Tuned-we're-going-to-take-the-place-over-right-after-Anya's-manicure-is-finished.....
- Claris

My confidence in the Cubs remains strong. Just a feeling I've got. Of course, I'm rather heavily medicated at the moment.
- DarkLady

see,that's what I said Time Travel. However apparently some people considerit too 'expenisve', 'unrealistic' and 'entirely based in fantasy'. I tell you!
- clarrie

Claris : All right, well why don't you finish that, and I'll finish my work...
Anya : Oh....Stickbubbly! Love you! Bye!

I want to vent about the fact that Chrissy gave me SARS! (the disease, not the girl at tomatonation.com, thanks)
I am sick. and this is bad. 'cause now I'm cranky(er). If the world ends in one fell swoop because someone pissed me off, it's allChrissy's fault, dammit.
I'm not alone in this - DarkLady, Closet B & Kitcat have all fallen to the clutches ofChrissy's Cyber-SARS....save yourselves, fellow campers....before it's too laaaaaaaate!

- Claris
And yet I appear to be almost completely on the mend! Go figure.
Erm, I mean. No! I didn't give ANYONE cybersars! Why, such a condition couldn't even possibly EXIST!

- Chrissy
I cannot blame Chrissy as I have already blamed Sanguineus, but I did start coughing again on Wednesday....so if I get a recurrence, I will then blame Chrissy. *g*
(Hmmmm....Sanguineus is about 3000 miles away, Chrissy is only about 325 miles from me.....hmmmmm....)

- EverDawn
it ISChrissy's fault! Or else we're all suceptible to suggestion via the internet. Let me test that theory.


did it work?
- Closet B

That and...IT WAS A FRICKIN' CLOWN!!! What did you want me to do - Let it follow us home and murder us in our sleep? 'cause that's what they can do, you know. Clowns. Oh, sure - no doubt moooooost of them are safe. Mooooost of the time, juggling hand-grenades is probably safe enough, too. But merrily waving at strange clown weaving in traffic in a terrifyingly decrepit clown-car is just asking for trouble. And let me tell you this my friends - this was no jet-setting clown - this was an embittered, seedy, alcoholic, pill-popping, serial-killer clown, if I ever saw one. Frankly, I think all that were present at that...incident...owe me a debt of gratitude. Yessir, gratitude. I look after my own, I do.
- Tamerlane

In the dictionary, next to "loquacity" it has a picture of -- well, of Oscar Wilde. But if it wasn't for Wilde, it'd be me.
- Sam

I've sat through Scientology infomercials that left me with a better respect for the intellegence for the human race.
- Godeater

ya know, I love my dog a bunch. In fact, I love her so much that I know it's wrong to put her in a halloween costume beyond maybe putting a red bandanna on her neck & saying she's a cowgirl. Why don't other people know this as well?
- Claris

I was writing a new Worst Case Scenario Handbook of my very own life.
- DarkLady

The fact that I don't own any condiments has no bearing on my ability to cook a pie for Thanksgiving. I have a good mind to go out and buy some salt and pepper just to spite you all. My fridge also has beer.
- CBBro

...there's still a part of me that's a wee bit wary.
(This would be the Bronzer part of me that participates in conspiracies to keep New Zealanders out of PBPs, don'cha know.)

- Claris

allow me to impersonate a giddy fangurl...
- DarkLady

There are people talking about betrayal of fudge secrets and debating the location of one's timbers.
I must be at the Camp.

- Seska

this is weird. it's like there's a time loop, and stuff i was saying three hours ago now you're saying
- DarkLady on talking on AIM while both watching the Emmys on time delay

I have never heard the word minging. Since I learned it here, I suspect I'd better not use it in ordinary life. There are probably obscene connotations, and I'm very repressed.
- white wings

DarkLady:: i'm starting to see why you're always working
Claris: I love The Saint - val Kilmer is like a schitzophrenic on crack.
Claris: why's that?
DarkLady:: you don't handle having nothing to do well
Claris: i really don't at least if i had a boyfriend i could distract myself with sex when I'm bored
DarkLady:: ok, to be fair, you don't actually need a boyfriend to distract yourself with sex...
DarkLady:: its' just more fun that way

FlyBoy: I'm never calling home drunk anymore
Claris: no, that's really not a good idea. I could have told you that in the first place.
FlyBoy: i thought it was amusing.
Claris: i'm sorry...have you met our parents?

If people waited to post until they knew what was going on, no one would say anything in here.
- Narrator

But, but if I turn off my computer, what will happen to all my little friends that live in it?
- OzLady's away msg.

September 15, 2003