Our sad little lives, your comic relief.










updated....11/15/03

If it gives me a rash, I swear to god someone dies.
- Chrissy

Dude, this isn't about professionalism in sports. It's the CUBS.
- DarkLady

Heh. JT is now saying that he's willing to perform voodoo to get the Sox win tonight. I'll believe that when the dead chicken head is on my desk in the morning, dude.
- Claris

Do you have any idea how hard we tried to get people here to be into cricket? There was a concerted barrage lasting months, with links to pretty cricketing boys and everything. *sigh*
- Rachie
Whereas all it took to spark an interest in baseball for me was the threat of some poor guy getting lynched...
- nails

...my boys the Yankees are only one run down....now all I need is for a Cubs fan to show up next to the rail when the Yanks are up at bat, and New York is in the series! Wooo!
- Claris

I'm no longer accepting burnt offerings or the slaughter of livestock or virgins, but I do enjoy money, electronics and real estate...
- Chrissy

she who wears the tutu and the purple sparkly Barbie dress-up shoes calls the shots.
- Sarah

Don't ask me how "cow" popped into my head when I was thinking about nouns.
- Terwilliger

Oh thank fuck a quotes update. I thought I was going to have to actually work for a minute.
- Amish Boy

If I do too much on the list I have too fast, I won't have anything to do in between goofing off writing my own website & talking to my friends, ya know?
- Claris

Catriona - Hmmm...I've always thought of roundabouts as a method of traffic control (except in large metropolitan areas of Europe, where they are traffic insanity) as opposed to being a merry-go-round. However, I can see the similarities -- it doesn't really matter which one is on, if one doesn't pay attention and hang on tight one is likely to be flung off somewhere without warning.
- Sarah

As for the rest of your rant, I might answer it later but right now you bore me.
- Mr. Whyt

I'm tickled that my post making fun of Amish Boy for saying "chimp's cock" made the cut, when his original post was much funnier.
Fairness, it's overrated. *eg*

- Kansas

I dunno, if you're looking for the biggest wanker since the dawn of time, the words 'half elf' seem quite significant to me.
- Clarrie
If he's a half elf I wonder what the other half is. Half a Bee? Ha, ha, ha, hee, hee, hee I'm Eric the Half a Bee?
- Amish Boy
heheheh, you quoted Monty Python. Geek.
- clarrie
Away and do some Viking re-enactments ya dobber
- Amish Boy
Excuse me? I'm sorry I can't quite hear you above the - Wait a minute. What the fuck are we doing here? There's a half-elf druid Everquest player to be mocked away down the page. Half-elf Druid!
- clarrie

is it wrong that get so much glee from pushing name deleted's buttons?
- Mr. Whyt
No, because you are giving me so much pleasure.
- white wings
well if I'm making someone else happy then its not a bad thing is it? If I was only bringing myself joy then it would be selfish and wrong.
- Mr. Whyt

So much work to do, so much brainwashing to achieve.
- Anya, on living with her brother.

the way I feel right now, fuck her, frankly. Preferably with a rusty barge pole. Inserted sideways. Although the snotty little slag might enjoy that.
- BGRB

I am not sure if the problem was a language barrier, or a mailing in your own shit barrier.
- CB Bro

Claris : I feel like I should buy you a pint, 'cause you've got a strip, but you're too far away....
kenickie : yes, i am
Claris : out of context, that sentence would be so wrong, huh?
kenickie :yes, also i am not getting a (comic) strip from anyone that way

I'm just...I'm doing that thing, you know where you jut your hand to one side, look annoyed, and just shake your head 'cause you know you can't say anything? I'm doing that reading this.
- Claris
..girl has more issues than a library....
- KitCat

Yeah, the pictures seemed very deus-ex-machina, in the way that deus is a PA who ran to kinkos.
- pink tyrant

Some academic habits are good to keep. You should see a few of my books. Actually, I'm sure you have. Highlighters, underlining, scribbles in the margins... but I don't get this nerdy by accident.
- Anya

apropos of thingummy, I actually know someone who claims to have been beaten up by Star Trek fans for being a Dr Who fan in some kind of crazy telefantasy sectarian outbreak.
However, he's also massive twat, so public opinion is that he was actually beaten up for being so massive a twat that even the Sar Trek fans scented his weakness and turned.

- clarrie

After all, there may actually be a guy on this planet who lets his sexual desires get in the way of his rational thinking. So, maybe this is the guy. I'll give ya that one.
- Yooper

Logically, I know that. But the part of me that gives a damn wants to shake her, and my evyl wants slow underhanded revenge that can't be traced back to me. It's all very worrysome, you see.
- Claris
and the rest of us are left unsure which side to root for...
- DarkLady

I have split ends and I want a cup of coffee. Why is this woman, who wants my business, whining at me?
- Allyson

See? Once again you are punished for being a good worker. When will you learn?
- Robyn

I (as politely as I could, which still meant with inordinate amounts of F-words) told her what bollocks she was talking.
- clarrie

It's all part of my evil empire.
- Chrissy

So if I'm largely absent, it's because I'm being amused by the building rage of a prissy snob.
- clarrie

I think my brother has the day off, for which he must suffer dearly. oh yes, he must suffer. I think I'll airmail him my dog.
- Closet Buffyholic

at least, i think it was britney. i'm not sure. there was a lot of make up and cleavage and shiny skin and i got confused and had to go away.
- Eiddy

That is all. I can now resume my anti-social habits. YAY!
- Anya

I thought our management were bad, but so far they've refrained from masturbating on our desks.
So far.

- PDR

Friday, how I love thee. I'd fall on my knees and embrace you, weeping, if you weren't a nebulous time-space concept and not an actual tangible object capable of being embraced!
- Closet Buffyholic

I am hungry. Dinner is in three hours. I have much to do. I am not doing it.
Blah.
This message bought to you by 'whining like a mofo about petty rubbish productions'. Thank you.

- clarrie

My guess is that there won't be as many breasts and other parts this year because it's not the same environment. But it will still be interesting.
- 'stina

I can do all those things, but with more British.
- PDR

Do they screen for intelligence at the Snap? I mean, do they check people and say "No you're too intelligent to work here"? And you somehow slipped through their net?
- DarkLady

Plans for tonight? Oh, I dunno. Maybe eat a little dinner, watch some TV.
Lots and lots of sex.
You know, whatever.

- Chrissy

As Mom figures, my point was made. Next time, they'll defer to my judgement. Or die.
- Anya

If I were Dieter and this were Sprockets, I could tell people who come into my office that they have become tedious, and must leave. And then we dance. I think I've overstressed my brain today. Rather like the Niagra-Mohawk Power Grid. I think I shall have to nap soon.
- Closet Buffyholic

That was funny in my head anyway. Hmm. I miss Psycho Sam. he'd be down with the giant city stomping cyborg horses...
- clarrie

Anya : And now I have to go do some of that nasty work
Claris : Why do you call me if you're busy at work?
Anya : I'm busy all damn day, believe it or not....but right now, my boss just got out of a meeting.

Today the fear earned me a doughnut AND an apple. Not that, you know, I like looking like a crazed maniac, but apparently there are some perks.
- Chrissy

Was given narcotic cough medicine, as well as prescription for said narcotic. Am in possession of narcotics! May end up on Cops.
- Vanessa

I have no helpful suggestions, I just thought I'd share my Dickensonian upbringing.
- Narrator

I like it when the geek in me triumphs.
- Anya

You have no idea how many shots I took to actually get her to smile. Had to stick my fist in my mouth, cross my eyes and waggle my ears at her.
- Bastion Ridley
I bet she was supremely satisfied that she got you to do that for her.
- 'stina

i totally need to get back on the smack. this no espresso shit is not for me. woo!
- eiddy

Sometimes I make mistakes so others will be less intimidated by me.
Yeah, that's it.

- Suzanne

In my first dorm, I shared a communal fridge with twenty other female students....
I always wrote "Biology 205 -- Stage Three" in bold print on all my leftover containers. They were never touched.

- Robyn

Now where the hell did I leave my zen??
- Chrissy

Cruel mockery's a recent topic? Which camp have you been reading.
- nails

well, it was funny ha-ha, and it was funny in the way that one is running, and one trips and falls and jams a sharp object directly into one's aorta.
- Closet Buffyholic

And within 10 minutes, he's here. Now, I get hit by an illegal immigrant who doesn't have insurance and it takes them 45 minutes to send a cop. But someone blocking trash pickup? THEY'RE ON IT.
- Monique

I've gotten some incredibly gross spam mail in the past year. ....
Today, for instance, "Make love like a teeeeen again!" Hunh? Fumble around not knowing what the hell you're doing and then consummating prematurely? Yeah, that's what we all want in our sex lives...
My favorite spam will always be the "Absolutely Free Lesbians!" I was so angry about all the money I wasted paying for them all this time! *rolleyes*

- DarkLady

so sick of rain. STOP
would rather rain than snow. STOP
thinking of contacting Gov. Davis in CA to see if I can ship him some rain. STOP
that would be my civic duty to help with the wildfires. STOP
if some guy can ship himself, why couldn't I ship rain? STOP

- Amaranth

What's it mean when you get done with writing a section and you're tired?
Is that good? Bad? A sign of impending psychosis? I can't decide.

- Claris
Or you could just need a nap.
- DarkLady

However, I live in a glass house, and therefore do not throw stones. Or you know, walk around at night without the shades drawn. Or something like that.
- Closet B
People who live in glass houses listen to a lot of Billy Joel.
- CB Bro
people who live in glass houses use a lot of windex.
- Closet B

Well, I think thats me up to date with posting, so if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go pass out now.
- TMorel

All I want to know is which partner did she see with which farm animal?
- Little Sister's co-worker, speculating on how a fellow employee has managed to remain a fellow employee....

Thank you.
Thank you VERY much.
My thoughts PRECISELY.

- Anya
Once again, we need to stop sharing a brain....
- Claris
But imagine the terror if we had the FULL brain, at different times of course.
Why, Terrorists in Iraq? They'd be mere children in the backyard sandbox.

- Anya
::shudders at the thought of that much power::
*insert evil laughter here*

- Claris
Personally, I thought it'd be all fun.
And terror.
For others.
I've a small list of people to start with. It's in a series of coilbound notebooks. The 500 page size ones, of course. After them, I'm open to new avenues of random acts of evil and chaos.

- Anya
How is it that you're allowed to walk around unfettered by a gov't tracking device again?
- Claris

(I know the irony level here given my post the other day is rather high. I am woman, watch me vascillate between polarities...)
- DarkLady

mmmmmm. liquor.
oops. did I say that out loud?
*snerk*

- SarahNicole

I am whole brain, thankyouverymuch.
- CB Bro

So I bought my ticket for the LotR marathon, it was FIFTY FREAKIN DOLLARS!!!!. Thats more than individual movie price for each movie. I was outraged But I kept it to myself as the ticket girl's halloween costume had a verra nice display of cleavage. Don't judge me I'm lonely and pathetic ask Claris
- Mr. Whyt
It's true! He is! And I've got the quotes to prove it!
- Claris

never mind. I'm going to be kicked out of the "Humans" club if I keep this up. I think it's only an honourary membership anyway.
- Anya

That is my problem as well. And I can't hang it out the window.
- CB Bro
It took me a couple beats to realize what you meant there*, but boy was that a funny sentence for about ten seconds, lemme tell ya.
- Claris
*satellite TV dish, ya pervs!

Mom is worried about me going to funeral homes unsupervised. *snort* Really! Other than having a shit fit of giggles, I don't see what morally rehensible act I could do there. *pause* Well, there are options, but it IS Monday.
- Anya

Trust me we all look forward to the day when you no longer have to work two jobs. Mostly because it'll be entertaining to watch you try to fill all that free time.
- DarkLady

what if the only thing in my head is space and fuzz?
- Anya

I shoulda gone to Berkley. However, as I hate the smell of Patchouli, I suspect I would have been shunned.
- Closet Buffyholic

There will be music, dancing, corn-chips and more. It will all be good.
- Anya

I just need some duct tape and some hair dye. You'll feel terribly awkward, but you'll get in
- paperdol
oh god. the picture in my head would blind little children.
- Polgara

Well, maybe name deleted is back or some folks just can't seem to handle recreational drugs
- Narrator
Whoever it is wont be posting under that name again though, as I just passworded it.
- Mr. Whyt
MrWhyt - That was mean! I'm so proud of you.
- white wings

Getting bombed is always a plus. That's why the call it the bar association, after all.
- Closet Buffyholic

Church and State have apparently ended their period of seperation, (1776-2003) and are getting back together. We knew that those crazy kids would make it!
- Robyn

although, like you said, "if we're wishing, can I have a pony?" Unless you're Anya, in which case, it's "If we're wishing...can I have a pet Hellhound?" ::rolls eyes::
- Claris
who doesn't want a pet hellhound, really?
- DarkLady

But I have so few taunting opportunities. I have to make the best of it when I have the chance.
- Suzanne

lol. Claris' Top Ten requirements for a male. #2. Tall. And the #1 answer . . . "Fairly sturdy."
- Golden
Hey now, I'm just thinking of them, okay? 'sides if I get a rep for bruisin' 'em, I'll get a whole DIFFERENT set of offers, and I really don't need to go there - although, there WAS an ad on craigslist the other day for a dominatrix parlor someone was opening in Santa Monica - those people get $300/hr! I'm so in the wrong industry, dude.
- Claris
You could DO that!!! :) That's a LOT of money. Hell, I'd be happy to beat on people for money. Can I pick the people, though?
- Golden

I'm going to get so pissed tonight I won't be able to bite my own fingers. Later!
- Amish Boy

Comcast sucks ass. That's all I have to say. OK, I have more.
- CB Bro

I hope it was fun. Or at least more fun than head injury by dog.
- Dunlin

Leather Jacket -- I know that you know that and that you know that I know that and ... oh look! A shiny dime!!!
- Narrator

This is getting nonlinear, which I can't handle.
- CB Bro

I couldn't figure out why my mail had been so quiet for so long....
Then I realized that when I rebooted, I hadn't re-opened outlook.
*cough*
oops.
*grin*

- Claris
And you make your living with computers. :)
- Closet Buffyholic
Shut it, b*tch - I never said I was GOOD at it. ;p~
- Claris

This either great quality or really fucking scary, I haven't quite figured out which yet.
- Lovely Poet

Clearly I need to work on becoming a drone at a better corporation.
- KitCat

Hmm I had something witty to say about Bastion Ridley's rarity. But decided not to post, due to a whole 'implying they belong in a freak show' theme within it...
- clarrie

Claris: It's kinda chilly here tonight. I'd close the windows if I wasn't worried about Zoey cracking into the glass like a duck that's about to be raped for 75 minutes while its body achiever rigor mortis
Darklady: for fuck's sake did you have to use that simile?
Claris: *laughter* It occured to me, & I COULDN"T PASS IT BY!

Just for you, nails.
Claris I see you quoted yourself on your quotes page talking about quoting things for your quotes page. The whole thing's reached new levels of meta-ness.
(and if I put a comment in here about how the above quote would be perfect for the next update, I wonder if that would increase or decrease the chance of it actually being included. I guess we'll just have to wait and see)

- nails

So far on my house I've had all thte windowsills replaced (dog damage), replaced one interior dog (dog damage)...
- St. Germain
You did mean you replaced an interior door, right? 'cause I know I did a quadruple take on that sentence...*grin*
- Claris
Well, I don't own any pets, but shouldn't interior dogs be rotated out to be exterior dogs at least once every few months? And then replaced once the tread gets bear?
- Narrator

I promise to stop sounding like a Hallmark tv special now.
- DarkLady

I'm always a good girl.
- Anya
Anya, I've met you.
- Claris
I never said I was moral....
- Anya

Also, we need a dog that won't eat our cat. That'd be a plus.
- Dao Jones

She's lawsuit happy, this chick. I get a sick pleasure out of knowing she'd probably go batshit if she knew I referred to her as a "chick." Heh.
- DarkLady on life's little delights

Jesus, I sound like Glinda from "Wizard of Oz."
- DarkLady
heh. the Photoshop project I just envisioned there would get me maimed so fast.....
- Claris

i want to go to london, dammit.
all those british accents in one place, mmmmmm............

- Polgara
Yes, they do tend to keep them in inventory there.
- Lovely Poet
It's a very clever policy, speaking as a female touristy type.
- Polgara

Are we done feeling sympathetic? Because, if not I can still mouth a few more platitudes that I don't really mean, but if we are done...
- Anya

I blame any typing mistakes on the drugs!
- EverDawn

One track? Nope, I have many tracks - they just all end up at the same station....
- Claris

Egh. Brain puddles everywhere. You never get those out of the carpet.
- Catriona

I'm almost a little scared to have Anya come down for Thanksgiving now....
- Claris
yeah well we're all scared of that anyway
- DarkLady

And I give historic speaches every other day...it's just only the cat that hears them. He likes them tho, so I'm happy.
- Godeater

So anyway... I'm thinking that maybe Lauren will be one of those characters who we'll miss once she's cloned.
- followtheleader

Anya: So, what's on your agenda for this afternoon / evening?
Anya: I bought garland and out door lights. Tomorrow morning I think I'm 'seasoning' the front door entrance.
How perky is that? Next up, lulling sweet innocent children into my home so I can pull a Hansel & Gretel act of random evil. *pause* Nah. It'll make a mess on the carpet and I don't want to clean the oven out already.
Anya: Btw, do you need Robyn's addy still?
Anya: I'm going to strip naked and perform an arcane rite right here and right now.
Anya: Lalalalalalalallalah!
Anya: *sigh*
"Anya" is away from the computer as of 3:49:54 PM. Claris: i had to go potty!
Auto response from Anya: I WAS bored, yes. But, I've abandoned IM and now I'm having fun.
Elsewhere. So, HA! I do have a life!
Claris: no you don't. Liar.

I have now entered the comments for ten students and they are all almost exactly the same. Either I was right all along or this place is making stepford girls.
- Lovely Poet

Short version - I told Anya that since John Mayer was in Toronto for my birthday, it was her duty to find him, seduce a bodyguard to get in, then kidnap him & send him to me as a present.
That's unethical. Me using sex to kidnap a man for you. *pause* Just so it's noted, I don't have a problem with that, it just needed to be said.
- Anya
Okay then.
Since John Mayer's on his way to IL, the responsibility falls to you to send him to me....your boy is out of town, you'll have the free time, right? Just use your monster to get everyone's attention, and while she's wreaking havoc, toss him into the trunk of you car. He's only 6'3". you can do it! You & DarkLady can dress up like ninjas & do it! It'll be great!

- Claris
I am not stealing John Mayer for you! You need to come here and stalk him yourself! I may put a tracker on him for you, so you can decide your course of action at your leisure. Hee.
- Closet Buffyholic

Personally, I just love the fact that no matter what else they might not agree on, everyone we know can unite together on being against you being allowed to handle a gun.
- Claris
It's aaaall just misinterpreted data!
- Anya

Now if you'll excuse me, I must go hit Kenickie. Cheers.
- Seska

-----------------------

Came across a bunch of old quotes from the Niagra power outage...'member that one?

I'd just like you to know that despite some wishes to the contrary I survived the power outage. The gf was very mean in that she wouldn't let me go out looting last night with all my other friends. I know, I know, I'm whipped. *sigh*
- Ogre

So, we're now going to declare war on Canada... right?
...right?

- Cate

Cate -- Of course we are. They messed with our God-given right to electricity. They must pay. Also, I think there's oil there.
- Narrator

Cate - Oh, ok, good. They are way too quiet up there... should have known something like this was in the works!
- Cate

Cate -- Well, according to this article, Ohio may also be at fault. Maybe we should invade you lot, too. *eyes Cate suspiciously.*
- Narrator

Cate - OH CRAP! I may have to declare war on myself!? This just sucks. I still blame Canada.
- Cate

We're declaring war on Canada? Are there any h*tties left to claim?
- Leather Jacket

I like how they're saying it might have started in Ohio but they don't have any evidence or any explanation. WTF. Yesterday the premier of Canada tried to claim it was a lightning strike on the US side of Niagara Falls. Except there's a big high pressure system over the whole northeast, with no lightning recorded anywhere. I'm also confused how the problem could originate in Ohio, but only affect the northern strip of the state along the lake, skip most of Pennslyvania and go to New York. I suppose it's possible but it seems pretty wacky.
- DarkLady

DarkLady Maybe a Megahorse got loose and trampled a power station. It's the sort of thing they'd try to keep quiet.
- Amish Boy

I can categorically deny that Canada is breeding Virgin MegahorsesTM trained to trample power stations as part of some crazy scheme to invade the US for their hotties.
mental note: the Amish know too much

- Mr. Whyt

-----------------------

Birthday voicemails for me!

Who the hell am I supposed to rant at if you're not here - er, there, whatever.....
I'm not ranting aabout you, but I want to rant, and I need someone on the other end, or else it's just a crazy person talkin' to himself on the sidewalk.....
I'm gonna hang up now....bye.

- Sam

I think you are okay on your birthday, because I think I took your birthday mojo....I was in the grocery store, & it got hit by lightning, and then it was raining so hard, I could have used windshield wipers on my face, is what I'm sayin'....
Luckily, I am wearing my wash and wear skin, so the fact that I am sopping wet is probably not going to hurt me, but it did get my groceries sopping wet....

- Closet Buffyholic

October 15, 2003