We're the ones your mother warned your about...No, seriously. We are.








Claris - Hundreds of things that you probably didn't know before


1. If you look closely, you'll see that these do string together in some bizarre "train of thought" form. While I have little or no sense of it, I do like order. I bet you didn't know that about me!

2. I never order through the drive-thru unless it can't be avoided. I always get screwed at the drive-in.

3. I've never screwed at a drive-in movie, but I've watched a drive-in movie featuring people who are screwing.

4. The movie that I've seen more times than any other film is "The Final Countdown" - You know, the one where the aircraft carrier goes back in time to December 6, 1941? I believe I'm up to 132 viewings.

5. Someday I'll watch the Kristy Swanson "Buffy" film that many times.

6. In addition to Kristy Swanson, I'm also deeply smitten with Moira Kelly, Alexandra Tydings and Alyson Hannigan. But I'm betting you already knew that. If you didn't, you do now, and will likely be reminded of this several times as you go along.

7. I've seen the "Cutting Edge" Starring Moira Kelly 87 times.

8. I have Doug Dorsey's Hockey Jersey from the "Cutting Edge" - well, a replica anyway. Actually, it's my second. I gave my first one to one of my best friends in college. She hasn't talked to me since I had the audacity to marry Mrs. RTBS instead of her. Or so I've been told that's the reason. Needless to say, it seems we're no longer friends.

9. I was Alexandra Tydings' best friend at her first convention appearance in Kansas City. Most everyone in the audience during her on-stage time were Trekkers. I watched Xena and was able to lob her easily answered softballs which made her more comfortable. She made it a point to be nice to me the rest of the day.

10. My wife thinks I only watched Xena because of the lesbians.

11. Some folks didn't like Willow/Tara because of the "lesbian issue." I had no problem with them being lesbians; I just didn't think they had any chemistry. Xena and Gabrielle? THAT was chemistry. Albeit Girl on Girl chemistry.

12. I'm betting I would have gotten an A instead of a B+ in High School Chemistry if "Girl on Girl" had been part of the curriculum.

13. One of my favorite sayings, when talking first amendment issues is "Hey, I'm all for freedom of speech and hot girl on girl action."

14. Bill Maher said that. I think he's funny.

15. A lot of people say I'm funny, but the truth is, I actually steal all "my" best stuff.

16. Like during PBP2001when a bunch of us were working to put the nametags together and Blade was mentioning a young actress who had asked about attending. Asked if she was cute, Blade said yes, but she that was under-age. So I replied, "Hey, you know what I always say...if they can cut their own food, they're fair game." Everyone laughed at that, thinking I was clever. But I stole it from the film "Beautiful Girls."

17. I enjoy watching the WWE for the beautiful girls who wrestle, such as Molly Holly, Gail Kim, Stacy Keibler, Victoria, Lita and of course, Trish Stratus.

18. Back in college, when I managed the dining hall, one of my assistants was named Trish.

19. We all called her "Hot Dish Trish" - Though only I was brave enough to say it to her face. But I think she kind of liked it.

20. When the not-yet Mrs. RTBS got sick of going to Buffy the Movie with me, Hot Dish Trish would go with me. We both had the film memorized.

21. My junior year of high school I saved the school play by coming in three days before opening night and taking over the 4th biggest role in "The Diary of Anne Frank" because the dumbass who had the part got suspended. How did I do it? I memorized the whole freaking play word for word.

22. Why would someone memorize a play in less than three days? Especially if they're not even part of the Drama Club? To impress the chicks, baby! Particularly the future Mrs. RTBS.

23. Mrs. RTBS always tries to humor me and act impressed by my hobbies and habits. But sometimes I just think she's placating me. Especially when it comes to Star Trek and Buffy.

24. I have a poster of every Star Trek film hanging on my wall in the basement. (Just ask Claris)
*Note from Claris - indeed, it's true. When Ruffy's basement flooded, my first reaction was, "Oh my god! The walls of fame!" (then I remembered to ask & make sure the wife & baby were okay. Sometimes, we have odd standards.)

25. I have five Star Trek Uniforms - TOS, Movie, TNG, Voyager/DS-9 and First Contact.

26. My mom made my Movie Uniform for me. (So I was in college at the time, what of it?!)

27. I always made a good impression with my movie uniform at conventions. Even William Shatner himself complimented me on it. Just before he called me on stage to do my contest-winning impression of him!

28. I do lots of impressions. But I hate doing them on command. I'm not trained a seal.

29. I saw trained seals once at Sea World. They were cool. And I saw Shamu too. But I hate him.

30. Before I die, I will kill Shamu.

31. He splashed me at Sea World and laughed at me.

32. He tasks me. He tasks me and I shall have my vengeance. That's a paraphrase from Moby Dick. I've only read that book three times. But there are some books I've read 30 times or more.

33. I love to read. In fact, one summer during my local library's summer reading challenge I read 183 books and won the stuffed dragon they gave away to the person who read the most books. This other kid was cheating and almost beat me, but when they suspected he was cheating and just checking them out and not reading them, they started asking him questions about the books and he couldn't answer. I was the winner! And I still have the dragon!

34. I once came within one number of winning $100,000 in the Iowa lottery. I only ended up winning $100.

35. I once won $1,000 as part of the "Design a Scratch Ticket" contest for the Iowa I lottery. It was called "Show Me the Mummy" and had an Egyptian theme.

36. I plan on watching "Nefertiti Resurrected" on the Discovery Channel this week, as I'm fascinated by Egyptology.

37. But I also like "Shark Week" on the Discovery Channel.

38. Even though one of two things in the world I'm afraid of are sharks.

39. The other thing I'm afraid of is heights.

40. Which is weird because I used to work construction with my dad where we'd shingle and paint houses. Some of which were three stories high. (Hey, I said I was afraid, but never said I couldn't control my fear. There was money involved!)

41. Though I don't know if I could control my fear enough to face a shark.

42. Unless the shark was threatening, oh say...Lauren Graham (aka Lorelei Gilmore). She's hot. Though Mrs. RTBS gets tired of me calling my Golden Grahams cereal "Golden Lauren Grahams."

43. I love Gilmore Girls. It's my favorite show. Along with Smallville.

44. I like Smallville because it's about my own personal icon, Superman.

43. I own 39 pieces of Superman apparel.

44. 12 of those are S-Shield shirts. Always handy to wear under regular clothes.

45. I always wear one when I fly.

46. I wore one under my tux when I married Mrs. RTBS.

47. Then someone told the DJ, who played the Superman theme and made me open my shirt in front of everybody. How embarrassing!

48. How's this for embarrassing - In eighth grade, I was a wrestling cheerleader.

49. One of the class geeks, for whatever reason, decided to try out for the wrestling cheerleading squad. All of us guys were making fun of him, and one day the very cute captain of the cheerleading team told me I should shut the hell up because this guy had more guts than I did. I believe the words "you're a cowardly chicken shit" were used. I was at tryouts the next day and easily made the team. On the bright side, I did get to spend a lot of time with Captain Cutie.

50. Things didn't work out with Captain Cutie though when we got to High School and the Senior Guys started hitting on her.

51. I have a 100 pound punching bag I use quite regularly. It's fun to tape the names of mine enemies upon it and thrash them mightily with my fists of justice!

52. My "real" name isn't my first name. How confusing is that?

53. My board name (RTBS) seems very popular. There have been several times I've tried registering at other sites (such as Discovery.com) as RTBS only to be told it's been taken. I want to find these people and ask "What does RTBS stand for?"

54. For me, it stands for Ruff Tuff Buff Stuff. Isn't that the dumbest internet name you've ever heard? That's why I shortened it to RTBS.

55. It does NOT stand for Roasted Turkey Breast Sandwiches, Rowdy Teenage Baby Sitter, or any number of other things that have been suggested over the years. Like Really Taken with Britney Spears.

56. I really do hate Britney Spears. I'm not just making that up as a means of garnering attention.

57. No really. I don't like her. Oh sure, I have all of her CDs, but that's because people have given them to me as gifts. Honest.

58. Narrator gave Britney Spears to me as a gift. I have to truthfully say that's been the best Internet shtick a guy could have. Thanks Narrator!

59. I often wonder what I did before the Internet.

60. It's my lifeline to the world. Talking with friends, getting the news, and it's a great asset to me in my vast hobbies, such as building models, collecting comic books and action figures and Nebraska Football.

61. I played football all through High School.

62. I was an all-state Tight End (academic all-state).

63. I prefer to play basketball though.

64. I wasn't as gifted as some of the other players on the team, but I worked hard and had innovative ways of cheating that I never got caught at.

65. I've never been caught breaking the law.

66. Other than speeding, I haven't and don't break the law.

67. God I'm boring.

68. I didn't drink until I was 21.

69. The first night I went out drinking was with my friend Joe and I drank 12 pitchers of beer.

70. I puked walking back to the dorm and people saw me.

71. Though I like beer, vodka, tequila and a good Tennessee whisky, I've never been that drunk since.

72. I don't like to lose control.

73. I don't like to lose. Period.

74. Baby Xander Salamander lost my Superman watch last week.

75. I'm ordering a new one. It's even cooler than the first one.

76. My first car was 1974 Datsun 260Z. I still have it in storage so I can one day restore it.

77. I have over 200 un-built models in storage. I hope to have a chance to build them all someday when I retire.

78. If I keep this government job that I hate and bitch about so much, I can retire at age 55. Now you know why I stay here.

79. I make fun of Iowa, but I plan to stay here too. Though If I could live anyplace else in the world, it would be a toss up between Ocala, Florida and Santa Barbara, California.

80. I never would have gone to California if it weren't for Buffy the Vampire Slayer. The first PBP party was enough to get me on a plane for the very first time.

81. Now I fly everywhere, though I always have a ritual of patting the plane three times then rubbing it three times before I pass through the door.

82. Stewardesses look at me oddly and ask if I like to fly. I respond "Not on airplanes." They don't seem to think it's funny.

83. I kept a stewardess from getting severely injured once. She was going through the flight check before take off and the plane braked hard very suddenly. She pitched forward and then back and I caught her just before she hit the floor. She was pretty shaken up until I looked down at her and said, "It's all in the reflexes."

84.Kurt Russell as Jack Burton said that in Big Trouble in Little China - another of my favorite films. I used several Jack Burton quotes in my High School Graduation Speech - much to the dismay of the principal, superintendent and school board. I mean, come on, how can "And someday when life slams the back of your favorite head up against the wall and says, 'Have you paid your dues?' I feel confident that you, my classmates can look life right back square in the eye and say 'Yes sir, the check is in the mail." NOT be the funniest way ever to end a graduation speech?

85. I didn't graduate at the top of my class in college, but then, I actually had fun in college, where I got to do such things as serve as the managing editor of the student newspaper. A job that required many late nights in the Journalism building which had very nice laminate floors. Perfect for rollerblading while shooting Nerf Gattling Guns at each other. Until the security guard catches you. Good thing she was cute and liked Nerf Gattling Guns.

86. I don't own a gun. I don't hate guns, but they aren't as interesting as other weapons. My weapons collection consists of various swords, knives, collapsible batons, and a really cool crossbow. If someone breaks into my house, I feel very sorry for them. And if there aren't human, it won't matter. I've got a couple of wooden shafts with silver tips.

87. Not that I actually believe in vampires or werewolves, but wouldn't the night one broke into your house to kill you be the shittiest way to find out that you were wrong?

88. Prepare for the worst, hope for the best is the way I look at things. Because the pessimist is never disappointed.

89. No one seems to understand that either. But I don't think I'm that complicated, much less that interesting.

90. I don't open beer bottles with my toes, I don't sit around and count what's left of my teeth, hey, I don't even enjoy a good tractor pull. (That's from the Cutting Edge, by the way).

91. I wish I could add Moira Kelly's autograph to my autograph wall. It's impressive (IMHO). Nearly 82 autographs, ALL from people I've seen in person.
*Claris again - now you see why I was worried about the walls of fame?

92. My Alyson Hannigan collection is my favorite though. I have no idea why, but I've gotten several autographed things from her in the mail over the years. Okay, so yeah, I send her Birthday presents, but I'll quit when she gets married. Promise!

93. I always try to keep my promises.

94. I promised Claris I'd finish this list. But with six to go, I'm running out of steam.

95. I was born on October 6th, 1971 in Wayne, Nebraska.

96. October is my favorite month, because I love Halloween. It's a good excuse to wear any of my numerous costumes without having to go to a Star Trek convention to fit in.

97. If there's ever a "Trading Spaces" convention, I'd go. I love that show partly because I do a lot of my own carpentry and construction work. But the reason I mostly watch it? I love Amy Wynn Pastor. She's smart, she's funny, she's beautiful and she knows tools!

98. I named my Leatherman Wave Multi-Tool "Amy" after Amy Wynn. I named my Swiss Army Knife Winona (after Crichton's gun on Farscape).

99. I'm going to name my next child Eliza Faith (if she's a girl) after Eliza Dushku. You talk about smitten, I'm in deep smit with her.

100. You know, I got to escort Eliza at the 2003 PBP. But I'm betting you already knew that. Still, I like to brag. I like to brag about anything and everything. Including being able to brag that I finally finished this assignment.

Adri

*Amaranth

Amish Boy

Cate!

*Catriona

CB's Boy

CB Bro

Chrissy

Claris

Clarrie

Closet B

Cosmic Bob

*Dru

eiddy

Godeater

Jipsy Girl

KitCat

*Leather Jacket

Little Sister

loki

*MedusA

*moppety

Narrator

*Newfan

*Ogre

OzLady

PDR

paksenarrion

RTBS

Sarah

SarahNicole

Seska

Shehawken

'stina

Suzanne

Terwilliger

*Mr. Whyt

Willa

William Shatner

Xanderella

Zoey